Airy Fairy and Old Magic

So... I finally see what my mom was talking about. My stepmom puts all her faith in the higher beings, which I understand to a point, but she doesn't trust her own power, or the magic you can get from just the earth. She has no faith in the old ways, in runes, in working magic with nothing but the blade in your hand and the earth around you. As we were walking around setting up barriers to protect the house, I was frustrated because she didn't know how to tap into her own magic potential, she was relying on everything else to do the work. She doesn't realize what she could do if she just listened. Listened to the earth, and to some(not all) of the old ways. I guess my magic just comes from a different source. If it works for her, I have no right to interfere. But she can't expect it to work for me, and she can't force me to work with it if I can't link to it. I guess that I'll need to forge my own path, and make her see how different it is, but also how it works for me. That's the only way to make her see my side.

Graduated and Done

So I'm graduated now, and done with high school forever! Yay! But I'm still sticking close to home for college. There is a great deal that I have yet to learn about my hometown, and I'm excited to do so. I'll be rediscovering everything I've know at Metro in the fall, and I am eagerly awaiting August 19th. I made it to the end, and I'm thankful for all the support my family and friends have given me. 

And...
I never have to talk to anyone from my high school again unless I damn well feel like it. And that's a nice feeling. I'm not obligated anymore and it feels soooo good. There will still be a few people that I will talk to, but for the most part...until the reunion, I won't even see 98% of them. And I'm 100% okay with that. I don't have to play nice with the people that have hurt me or with the people I just don't trust. The others that I don't really know, well, I guess I just won't know them now.

WEBSITE

Hey guys! 
Could you take the time to take a look at my new website! It's for my photos.
Thanks!

http://alias132.wix.com/aliasforart

Why Do I Do This To Myself

I am clearly horrible at composing piano melodies, yet I keep trying. -_- I should just stick to what I know, stick to guitar...Yes, that sounds great. I love my guitar. :D It's my baby. 


Addition to the original post...
I hate feeling awkward. And awkward is just how I feel when I know someone can hear me play. Especially when I suck at it. I guess I just hate it because I'm really self conscious. But I do think I got slightly better afterwards, because I looked up some things on how to create a melody and what to include. I have this obsessive need to have people approve of me, because I hate offending/hurting/paining people. With my thoughts or otherwise(i.e. music). I hope it gets better. I'm going to mainly focus on guitar for Lost though. I'm do better at guitar than I do at piano. 

Weak Once Again

Last night wasn't fun. At all. While I was in Drama, I got a call from my mom. It was clear that she was pissed. She had gotten an email from one of my teachers that said if I didn't get my work in, I wouldn't get my English credits and wouldn't graduate. And while I was trying to calm her down, she got even angrier. She was angry because I wasn't freaking out like she was. I wasn't freaking out because I knew I was going to fix it, and I knew that it would be easy to fix. And she was mad because I wasn't panicking. She hung up on me saying she was going to call my dad. And she did. But thank god, dad was infinitely more calm than she was and he was easier to talk to when I called him to explain. And after talking to both of them, I broke down again. And I felt horrible about it. That is the second time in two weeks that I've cried. I don't know if it's just because it's the end of the year and emotions are running high, or if I really am just that weak. It could be both. All I know is that I can't do that again, because this time, I got caught. My teacher talked to me today in class, and apparently he heard me freaking out in the hallway (I vented to my friend in the hallway by his class after school). Thankfully that was before my fit, but all the same, I was ashamed that he had heard me like that. I hated that I couldn't keep myself calm. So, I know what I have to work on again. I have to keep a lid on my emotions.

Truly In Love

Last night it really hit me how much I love my boyfriend. A lot of it stemmed from the delightful day we'd had. I'd met his family and I got on with them well. His dad was hilarious, and his grandparents were awesome. I don't think things could have got on better. We watched some Sons of Anarchy and after dinner with his grandparents, we went back to his place to watch Gran Torino. I laid on his lap during the movie, and eventually we just laid down on the couch together. The best part about that was how safe I felt. He was holding me tightly and I felt closer than I'd ever felt to him. 
But when he started talking to me on the way home, that's when I felt it. When I heard about where he'd come from, and how bad it was, I wanted to cry. I couldn't imagine him going through that and I didn't want him to ever go through that again. I couldn't imagine him not being mine. And that's how I knew. That's how I knew I'd give long distance a try again. I can't lose him because I gave up. And I won't lose him. I hope. 
We were joking last night and he was kidding around about having a mistress to take care of his sexual needs. This was of course after I threatened that the Washington women had better keep their paws off of him. That's when I told him if he does that, I get to have my own sexual needs filled in that way as well. And he just gave me that look, the no way in hell look. He tried to make the argument that it was different, because he was a man and I was a woman. I said, nope, it was the same. I think I safely warded off any mistresses with that comment. ;)

Senior Trip

I don't know why I signed up to do this. -_- We have a week left to plan literally everything and I don't even know who's going!!!!! This is utter insanity but we're still trying to pull it off. I don't know what I'm going to do if anyone gets in trouble. This is all on my head if anything goes wrong. Well, me and another girl's. I'm starting to get worried, incredibly worried. Well, best foot forward, and here's hoping!