Catching Up

This is going to be an uber long post, because I haven't posted in a while, so this will be the recap of recaps. Okay, so..........................
I talked to Roberto, and even though I still think he was a jerk, I don't curse his guts every time I think about him. I'm still pissed, but less so. Thank you Taylor for making me chat with him! Yeps. Still a jerk.


I'm 8 days away from China! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!! I really can't wait! It's going to be so much fun, and I am really looking forward to EVERYTHING! The language, the city, the food, the sights, everything! I met with one of Dad's friend's friend's today. Her name was Diana, and she told me so much about what to expect. She was traveling to and from Beijing(work-related) for 15 years. She gave me some good advice about jetlag, and how to deal with it, so I don't have to spend two weeks completely sick. Happy day. We got the flight information, and we have to be at the airport at 8:30. UGH! That means an hour to two hour commute from Estes Park, which means I'll have to get up at oh, shall we say 5:30 to 6:00. But it is so worth it. 


They made one of my favorite book series, the Nine Lives of Chloe King, into a TV show! I am so ungodly excited! They took out so much stuff, like Mus-Mus, and Chloe being with her friends when she fell from the tower. But they also added in connections with her Dad through email. And OMFG the actors for Alec and Brian are freaking amazing!!!!! Alec, as we know, is this drop dead gorgeous russian guy, and they found the perfect smart alec-y actor for it, who is soooooo.... well, HOTTTTTT. And Brian, well, he's just the hot with cute on top. Like a cupcake. I can't believe I just typed that. But it's also true. So true! I can't wait for more of the episodes. I will find a way to watch them in China, I swear to god. I will give up So You Think You Can Dance for this. Maybe not... possibly yes. IDK.


I love going into the bookstore. Although, the cute guy there helps out a lot. He started this summer, I'm pretty certain. And he's so cute!!! It's a real shame that I'm going to China, I'm not going to be able to get to know him. *pout* However, China does promise many many cute guys, so I'm not too worried. :) I think it's slightly mildly insane how boy crazy I am now. In-freaking-sane. Oh well. 
♫If it makes me happy, it can't be that baadd! ♫ 


I kinda love my life right now! :D

Sooooo Close

I am soooo close to being in China, and I still can't believe it. I'm almost there!!! I'm up in Estes Park, and there's a lot to do here. With plenty of cute boys around too. :) Yes, I am dorkus. The river's up really high, and after the rain and hail storm today, I'm pretty sure it's going to overflow, mostly because it's still raining. My cousin and I have just been having so much fun with everything, although we did forget about game night... oh well. We ended up watching So You Think You Can Dance, and America's Got Talent, two of my most favorite shows EVER, which made me happy. Then we finished a movie called Killers, feat. Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher( who is HOT), then watched Ouran Highschool Host Club, which is just so hilarious and ridiculous. Good days, good summer, good future. YAYNESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guilty

I feel so horribly guilty, sick to my stomach guilty. I pissed mom off, on accident mind you, when I went to plug in my iPod. I said, to myself, that I was going to stay home and level my warrior, but oh well. I didn't mind. She needed me there to watch my sister, and I was okay with that. Then she got mad, said that I was attitude-y about it, and if I was, I didn't mean to be. Then she brought up how I didn't want to take my sister out to the basketball courts, where I would have had to watch her, which interfered with how I like to spend my time at the basketball court. When I'm there, I put in my music, and zone out. I'm responsible for myself, alone, and I'm peaceful. I don't have anyone to watch out for, to manage, and I don't have to worry about anyone but myself, and I'm happy there. And I usually just put in my iPod, don't keep track of time at all, and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. When I'm upset, I go play basketball, and that court has become my zone, where I can vent, where I don't have to watch what I say, what I do, where I don't have to care about anyone else, and that makes me happy. So when she wants me to interrupt that area, that zone that I like to think of as mine, I got really upset, because then I felt I had to keep a constant watch, that I couldn't zone out like I wanted. I just felt violated like that. And Rhiannon was all happy dappy, and I wanted to scream in frustration. So then I went out to the courts, with her tagging along, and I was miserable. I hated it because I felt like I had been violated and guilted into taking Rhi with me. And now she's pissed, and it's all my fault, and I hate that it's all my fault. I hate that I made her mad, that I probably wrecked the next two days I'm here, I hate that I can't keep my mouth shut, I hate that there are so many lines, and boundries, I hate that I forget, I even sometimes hate being here because I worry so much all the time about what will push what buttons, and no matter what I do, sometime or another, she's going to end up mad, and it's my fault. I hate that I can't be the adult, that I can't just step back, that I can't just let go. I hate that I'm crying so much lately, and upsetting everyone lately. I hate a lot of things, and I don't know how to fix it. All I have is I'm sorry, and that's not enough. But I don't know what to do anymore.