Cement

A. That's what everything tastes like today. 

B. At lunch, I followed my friends out. When we went to the chinese place, it had completely changed. So we went to the little corner store. And on the way, we ran near construction workers who were working on the street. We walked around and were walking towards the store when my friend stepped in wet cement... And I just gaped at it. It was one of those moments, when you see the foot coming down and you're like "Noooooo!" and then the foot comes down with a "cloosh" not a "squilch" a "cloosh". And dude, after I recovered my senses, I just ran for it. Construction workers scare me. They're all big and tough, and they're strong too. Couple all that together, man, that's really scary. So yeah. And that was just lunch. We'll see what happens at home.

Sweet and Bitter

Well I'll start off with the good news, then the bad. 

Good was the tournament. I had so much fun! When I went up to preform my slam poem, I half thought that I would faint. My knees were quite literally jelly. But after I finished, people applauded! Well, even if it was a social norm, it wasn't half hearted. That was just really inspiring for me. I also met two new girls there, Sarah and Jacqueline. They were awesome! They helped me choose my poem, and were just so nice to me. It was also eye opening being around then, like REALLY eye opening. I didn't know how clueless I was until I hung out with them for just a couple hours. Yeah... I am beyond innocent. Or I was anyway, lol.

Bad was today. I found out that someone I knew died. I don't know how yet, but her death was like a ripple effect through out our entire grade. I didn't know her well, but I knew her well enough to want to cry when I found out that she had passed. This morning students decorated her locker, and most of our grade was just standing around the locker in silence. It was awe making and so sorrowful. I can't even begin to describe what I saw. People were standing, hugging others, holding their pain inside of crossed arms, and then those who were just crying. And it broke my heart. Yes, I did mourn her passing, but I told myself something. She was okay now. Whatever heaven she's in, she's not having to work her way through life. Life is hard, the afterlife isn't. She's going to be fine. I just keep telling myself that. Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. It allows us to let go. But just seeing today, I saw the effect that one girl had. She impacted so many people, and they will remember her. That includes me. I just wish that there wasn't so much pain.

Yay! Plus an evil subconscience...

My yay comes from the fact that I get to debate this weekend! :D I'm doing a happy dance right now!

If we don't break in rounds, then guess what, I get to do my slam poetry! I is so excited!

And onto a more *ahem* awkward and embarrassing topic. I had a dream about a guy... that wasn't my boyfriend. So yeah, evil sub-conscience. I think someone up in entity land hates me. I mean really. I can't control what I dream, so I don't know if I should feel guilty or not! I kind of blame my stepmom. She's convinced that someone will ask me to prom. I am pretty damn certain that there is no way in hell that could happen. She also says I should examine my crushes in state. BUT NO WAY! I have a freaking boyfriend, a topic that others seem to forget. Sure he's not in state, but I really really like him. So, unless something else becomes blatantly and brilliantly clear to me, I will keep what makes me happy. Stupid dream. My friend says that dreams tell you what you really want, and that makes it INCREDIBLY awkward. Because as shameful as I feel about it, the guy I dreamed about... He's one of my best friends... And before (before mind you) I got a boyfriend, I liked him. So I call this a message from a higher force. Do you know what they said? They said,

"Hahahahahahahaha! Suffer human!" 

That's what I think.      

48 Hours, Not 4 Minutes

Yeah, there's a Maddona reference! Whoo! i don't know why I just did that, but it just came to me. The reason being that I only have 48 hours to get my C's up to B's so I can go to this debate tournament. This is the tournament that I've been most looking forward to because I get to preform slam poetry! I can't wait (provided that I can go)! So yeah. I really really hope I can pull this off. Two of the classes will be easy-ish, one I have no clue how I'm going to get this done. But I will. I can and I will. I have to. 

After a weekend of a baby with siren lungs, and a little sister that's obsessed with disney princesses, I am SO glad to be home in the silence. Well, mostly silence. And unfortunately, it's also back to 4 hours of sleep a night. I don't know what it is about Estes that makes me sleep, and I wish I knew what about Denver keeps me awake. Who knows I guess... 

Just fixed two grades! Only one more to go!! I can do this!!!

My boyfriend and I have been ninja emailing over my grounding period, and I'm kind of liking the emails. It's more simple, and it doesn't take forever to answer or respond. We also talk about stuff that matters. I'll be slightly sad when I get facebook back. Slightly. XD

I've been singing more and more, and I am loving it. It's going much better now that I don't care what my mom and sister say. I'm also falling in LOVE with slam poetry. I've been watching, and writing, and reading, and it's just fantastical. Most of my poetry so far is angry, but I hope to be moving onto lighter topics soon. We shall see!

My parents have threatened to move me to Estes if my grades don't pick up. IN MY SENIOR YEAR! Not only is that like uprooting a tree, but it's SOCIAL SUICIDE! I don't think I can handle that. I can't breathe when I think about it. Does anyone have a paper bag? (lol :) jk) But this still terrifies me. I have to fix this, or else...

Missing Ghost

My parents have taken control of my laptop, who I have named Ghost. :( I realize that it is my fault, but Ghost is my baby! I can't abandon her! Thankfully I have the time during school to keep up on Wattpad and my blog, or else I don't think I'd survive the separation, lol. 

I have a couple weeks to get my grades in order, keep them in order, and write the best piece of slam poetry for debate. It's at our school this tournament, and oratory is a spoken word performance this time. So in two weeks I need to write the best, most moving, radical piece of spoken word poetry ever... Yikes. I honestly can't wait for the next tournament, because we'll have a lot up our sleeve, because I'm going to work harder than ever. We got a swift kick in the butt during the last tournament, but that just makes me want to do better. And beat that stupid Kritik that was run against us. So yeah. That is life as it is. I hope I survive this. XD

Stuff...

So I found a new artist that I like today. I remember my cousin recommending it, but now I see why. Skrillex is AWESOME! It's been my saving grace today. I swear tomorrow, I'm going to snap. All that's been happening(pardon the cussing), it's bullshit and I should not have to put up with it. I guess I'm just tired of being treated like I don't matter anymore. I'm sick of it, and I won't take it anymore. Tomorrow. I think that's a vow. And since tomorrow is friday, she'll have the weekend to think it over. And I hope she really does, because as much as I don't want to lose her, I won't put up with this much longer. I just won't. Today I hung out with a girl I never thought I'd ever want to talk to unless I had to really. We're just not compatible on brain wavelengths. But it was relaxing. And I was happy. We found a park with a swing set, and it's the free-est I've felt at school in these past two weeks. And that just baffles me. I love swingsets! And my boyfriend, who told me last night that he loved me! <3

Patience

This refers to two things. One, my friend. Two, an email that I just sent. 

1. My friend, she keeps ignoring me. My patience meter is ticking down. I am slowly going nuts waiting for her to pull her head out of, ahem, her "derriere". Soon, I will have to take the initiative. I don't like it, but it may become necessary. I don't want to lose her. But what Mom said is probably right. Maybe it's time to move on. But I swear, if something happens with Zeek, and she starts talking to me, I will lose my marbles!

2. I just sent an email to Klipp, an architecture firm. I was requesting help with a school project. And now I am incredibly nervous. I am worried that I didn't phrase it right, that I sound juvenile, that they won't respond because it's for a school project. So that worries me. My patience is wearing thin as the nerves work away at me. 

Today I am going to go see "The Taming of the Shrew" at the Denver Preforming Arts Center. I am honestly ecstatic. I can't wait to see how it's portrayed, how the actors channel the characters, and most of all, I am excited for the story! This should be a fun day!