Sing

Last night I hung out in the yurt with my Dad and Laura, and their friend the Bobowskis(I hope I spelled that right). And it was just amazing. We had pizza, hot cocoa, and cider. But the best part of it was that everyone was breaking out the instruments and everyone was singing! Me included! Now normally I try not to sing when people are around, because mom and rhi both say my voice isn't that good. So I sang behind closed doors. Until last night when I sang with everyone else. And people told me my voice was good! People including Dad, Laura, and even one of the Bobowskis!So besides complete confuzzlement, I'm totally happy. I do love to sing, and that gave me enough courage to sing with others. So yeah, that's my current happy moment. Another to come soon though!

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This To Myself

So over the summer I had a crush on one of the boys from the APSA trip, but he was a player. He also had a girlfriend back home. So I never tried anything. We still hung out, but I kept it as strict to friends as I could. And last night we IM'd on facebook for a about an hour, then we went onto skype, and talked for another two hours. Last night I realized I still like him. But guess what? He still has a girlfriend! So once again, I'm going to keep it at friends. Plus, Zeek is all the way in Washington, DC. Chances are I won't see him again. So, yeah. Friends.    
            
I can't believe I fell for him again...

Holidays

I'm up in Estes Park for the holidays, and this is really my major decompression time. Up here, I can let go of anything. Then I can go back to the city and live happier. Not to mention which, just having a little time to be myself is so important, especially when I tend to suppress it. I think that will be my new years resolution. To learn to be myself and to be confident. This is because if I can be myself up here, then why shouldn't I be able to be myself down in Denver. So, that's my personal revelation. 

Christmas this year has been just amazing. I got to spend time with my cousin and my aunt and uncle. I got to spend time with another aunt and my grandparents, and I got to spend time with my grandma and uncles and one of my uncle's girlfriends. And on Saturday, I might get to go up and see my family in Gunnison who I haven't seen in years. This is really turning out to be an amazing, stunning, beautiful, freeing, delightful, and joyous winter break. 

Every time I'm up here in Estes, I get to be an actual teen. I'm not as worried about what I say next, I don't have to filter every other word. I can go downtown and just hang out, which I rarely get to do down in Denver. But that is something I hope to fix, because I am tired of giving up time that I should be using to be myself, to be with my friends, and to be normal outside of school. So New Years Resolution number 2, to be an actual teen. 

I've been totally dorky this winter break, and I've gotten addicted to the vampire diaries. I am SO team Damon. And I usually get annoyed when people break up the guys into teams, but in this case I am for it. Damon is a jerk, but under that horrible asshole exterior, he really does care, and when he drops his guard, he's just so sweet, kind, and caring. He worries and he loves and when his guard is dropped, he shows it. And I just had a dork moment. I need one of those every now and then. Even though Damon is just a character, I still am totally in love with him. And Ian Somerhalder is such an amazing actor to portray Damon so well. Okay, dork moment over. :)

This year, I kinda want to fall in love. Crushes are nice and all, but I want a guy to like me. I'm not about to go out on a desperate manhunt or anything, but I am going to try to talk to guys and avoid looking at my shoes. If I were up in Estes, I could talk to any guy and not look at my shoes. It's just the stupid image I feel I have to uphold down in Denver. My Current Image=Horribly Shy, Meek, Needs Protecting, Quiet, Nerd. My Real Self=Slightly Shy, Energetic, Curious, Outgoing, Talkative, Slightly Quiet, Tough, but still a Nerd :D . I just need to break down the shell that I currently have, and start being my real self. Breaking free...Resolution Number 3! Hey, that rhymes!!! I just hope that if I start being myself, then I can actually talk to guys, and get to know them. Then maybe...hopefully, I will have not only new friendships, but also maybe a relationship. Maybe.

I honestly cannot wait to get back to school and see my friends again, because they are my connections, and they keep me from drifting. Journaling does that to, to some extent, but I do need people to talk to as well. If I don't, then I lose touch. I also miss my friends. Just IM'ing them isn't as real as talking to them in person. 

Last resolution.....................................................

TO NOT PROCRASTINATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This new year, in my schoolwork, I will keep up. No more excuses, no more putting things off, I will get my work DONE. So yep. This is my holiday update. 

OH, and I found a really interesting recipe that I have to try, Diet Coke Brownies. I wonder if it would work with regular coke. I don't really like diet soda. 

Happy Holidays to whoever is reading this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two More Days...

It's two days to winter break and I am so close to counting down the hours. I think that all the drama over the ENTIRE freaking school year packed into one week, plus homework and finals. I will be so insanely happy to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

But before I sleep, I have a duty. I must kick the ass of the moronic bastard who even had the balls to hurt my friend. My friend cried herself to sleep and that is NOT okay. So yeah. I wish I could just snipe him down, but I can't, so this is the next best thing. Sure I might screw up any chances I have of even talking to my crush(because they are friends), but I don't give a flying banana peel. Friends first, and that is what I'm sticking to. 

I just finished my final draft for my passages paper, and my shoulder hurts. I swear I am never doing this again! Willingly anyway. If I have to, then that's a different story. Then I'll just pout. lol. XD. So, this last part of the week will be busy, but then I can kick back, relax, and drink hot chocolate. While reading. Yep. That sounds nice.

Time is Running Out

So I just looked at the calender and practically felt my knees go. I have a week left until winter break. One week to get absolutely everything done. I...Am...Screwed. There is no way all of this is getting done, and yet a small hidden part of me says, 

"Oh yes this is all getting done. Pull yourself together and get it DONE." 

I think the hidden part is winning because I'm not planning on sleeping this weekend. Oi. 

So that's where I'm at.

Dance Battle in the MB:Tecktonick vs. HipHop

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v37rsx_726c

I hope this works! And yes I know, it's kind of dorky, but I thought it was awesome.

Hidden New Experiment...DJ.

Yep. Self explanatory title. I'm going to study how to be a DJ for my next passage. Of course, I have to finish this paper first, but still. The only thing I'm really afraid of is telling people of what I'm doing, because when I told my sister, she burst out laughing. And the sad thing is that I know my friends will do the same. I think that's mostly because I'm timid around them. But when I'm on my own, I'm happier and a lot more outgoing. Or when I'm with my cousin. It's when I see people that I know that I shrivel. I think that's because I'm afraid I'll offend them if I act like myself. So yeah. Life throws curve balls, and you can either catch them or dance around them. Well, I'll catch this one. If I become a DJ(which even I slightly doubt), then maybe my confidence to be myself will increase. I can hope for that. Now the first thing I have to do is... pick out a name! Um... yeah, I has no clue. But it will be a start. :)

I ♥ MUSIC!

P.S. I found a dance battle from the Czech Republic that I thought was interesting. I'll try to post it.

Blah Blah Blah, no relation to Ke$ha

That describes my life I think. There's just too much going on for me to deal with, and I can't wait for winter break. I've been working on a story with my friend Braunwyn, and we've been having so much fun with this. I intend to be evil in the ways of the written word with regards to...personal situations. XD But we've been enjoying this so I don't mind taking lots of extra time. We hope to publish, eventually anyway.

As far as school goes, I'm finally getting on top of the work that I need to get done. Cutting out a couple clubs has freed up a lot of my time. And even with the two clubs I've been keeping up with, my hands are full. I have to say that it's worth it though. Life may be complex, and getting even more complicated, but I don't mind. 

Challenges make life worthwhile.