I'm up in Estes Park for the holidays, and this is really my major decompression time. Up here, I can let go of anything. Then I can go back to the city and live happier. Not to mention which, just having a little time to be myself is so important, especially when I tend to suppress it. I think that will be my new years resolution. To learn to be myself and to be confident. This is because if I can be myself up here, then why shouldn't I be able to be myself down in Denver. So, that's my personal revelation.
Christmas this year has been just amazing. I got to spend time with my cousin and my aunt and uncle. I got to spend time with another aunt and my grandparents, and I got to spend time with my grandma and uncles and one of my uncle's girlfriends. And on Saturday, I might get to go up and see my family in Gunnison who I haven't seen in years. This is really turning out to be an amazing, stunning, beautiful, freeing, delightful, and joyous winter break.
Every time I'm up here in Estes, I get to be an actual teen. I'm not as worried about what I say next, I don't have to filter every other word. I can go downtown and just hang out, which I rarely get to do down in Denver. But that is something I hope to fix, because I am tired of giving up time that I should be using to be myself, to be with my friends, and to be normal outside of school. So New Years Resolution number 2, to be an actual teen.
I've been totally dorky this winter break, and I've gotten addicted to the vampire diaries. I am SO team Damon. And I usually get annoyed when people break up the guys into teams, but in this case I am for it. Damon is a jerk, but under that horrible asshole exterior, he really does care, and when he drops his guard, he's just so sweet, kind, and caring. He worries and he loves and when his guard is dropped, he shows it. And I just had a dork moment. I need one of those every now and then. Even though Damon is just a character, I still am totally in love with him. And Ian Somerhalder is such an amazing actor to portray Damon so well. Okay, dork moment over. :)
This year, I kinda want to fall in love. Crushes are nice and all, but I want a guy to like me. I'm not about to go out on a desperate manhunt or anything, but I am going to try to talk to guys and avoid looking at my shoes. If I were up in Estes, I could talk to any guy and not look at my shoes. It's just the stupid image I feel I have to uphold down in Denver. My Current Image=Horribly Shy, Meek, Needs Protecting, Quiet, Nerd. My Real Self=Slightly Shy, Energetic, Curious, Outgoing, Talkative, Slightly Quiet, Tough, but still a Nerd :D . I just need to break down the shell that I currently have, and start being my real self. Breaking free...Resolution Number 3! Hey, that rhymes!!! I just hope that if I start being myself, then I can actually talk to guys, and get to know them. Then maybe...hopefully, I will have not only new friendships, but also maybe a relationship. Maybe.
I honestly cannot wait to get back to school and see my friends again, because they are my connections, and they keep me from drifting. Journaling does that to, to some extent, but I do need people to talk to as well. If I don't, then I lose touch. I also miss my friends. Just IM'ing them isn't as real as talking to them in person.
Last resolution.....................................................
TO NOT PROCRASTINATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This new year, in my schoolwork, I will keep up. No more excuses, no more putting things off, I will get my work DONE. So yep. This is my holiday update.
OH, and I found a really interesting recipe that I have to try, Diet Coke Brownies. I wonder if it would work with regular coke. I don't really like diet soda.
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