God, I Love Debate Tournaments

Oh god, I freaking love debate tournaments. So many good things happen. First, I think we went 3-2, which is really good rounds wise. I would have preferred 4-1 or 5-0, but that's pretty good. But that's not the goodness, I haven't even touched the hot goodness. 
If anyone ever asks me if nerds are hot, I will say, oh yeah! So, there was this guy Antonio, he replaced a team member in one of our rounds and oh my dear fucking god, he was sexy. And then he flirted with me through the entire last half of the tournament on Saturday! He tried to psych me out when everyone was playing Ninja and tried to strike me out as well. He got really close and, eeek, I couldn't breath for a moment there. And oh god, the glances he was giving me, I nearly died. And to top it all off, at the end of the tournament he was wrestling with Anthony outside and it was beyond sexy. Neither of them won because they were evenly matched and I can't even say enough about Antonio. 
But then I sort of messed up, when I came back inside my friend asked me in a VERY loud voice if anything had happened, kissing, groping, etc. And I said, oh god no. Yup. I was saying that just because stuff like that isn't stuff I'm incredibly comfortable with just yet. But I think he took it to mean about him, which I completely didn't mean. Then again, if he takes offense to that and it carries to the next tournament, then I won't really bother. Meh.
The only thing that really pissed me off was Oratory. I wouldn't have won oratory finals anyway, but what really makes me mad, was that I lost to one of the worst speakers in the entire league. Not only was she a crappy speaker, but her speech wasn't that good! She stuttered and stumbled, and her ideas were only half put together. I seriously wonder about the judge of our oratory rounds, and how he even evaluated the speeches. I don't know. All I do know is that I have to win Oratory at one point this year, and beat out that girl...

Fail...

Remember how I said I was excited for the performance...Well...It was what I like to call a major failure. I'm proud that my girls were up there, but the dancing and the singing...They were better in practice. Infinitely better. 
I don't know about having them perform again for the school, especially after that(kids were laughing :( Blargh) , but the other coordinator says they should. I guess I just feel a little humiliated. It's my name on the club, as well as my coordinators. And most of all, the Glee kids. I worry about what they'll hear in the halls. 
I also feel like I set them up for it, they shouldn't have been doing that performance anyway, they weren't all the way ready. 
I don't know, I just wish I could take a redo of this morning. 

It was seriously so bad that I wanted to mix something into my drink, just to make me forget. I told a friend and he said, and it's not even nine yet. Then he went off and described my spiral into destruction. It was funny. 

Life will get better eventually, it always does. 

I started talking to one of the guys that I dated a couple years ago. He called me at midnight two nights ago, which was weird, but it is nice to hear from him again.

Playing Catch Up on Blogger

First, I've come to the realization that my blog is basically a blog for bitching and bragging about life. And in the words of Chucky (off of Sons of Anarchy), I accept that. 
Yes, I've fallen prey to the marvelous corruption that is Motorcycle gangs, er, Clubs. :) But I love it! It's remained very very interesting so far, and I am seriously in love with Jax Teller. Oh my freaking god, I just about died in the first episode once I saw him. Next on the sexy sexy bodies list, and probably the only other one that I like, Juice. Smexy. Yes, I am female and completely hormonal.
Not only that, but my heart took another spike when I watched the Walking Dead. Oh my goddess, Daryl Dixon, the total die hard (SEXY) redneck cradling a newborn. I think a part of me died and went to heaven. 
Venturing out of TV land, my life has been very hectic. But it's something that I am getting accustomed to. 
Drama has been completely awesome, I love the crew that I'm working with. Sadly though, the stage crew has more drama than the actors do. It's kind of hilarious, but kind of not. Last week our stage manager slapped a crew member. It was funny because they are both 13 and such control nuts. It was bad because we can't have people slapping each other. After that incident, I took on my ever present role of therapist and I took everyone out into the hall to talk/yell it out. It worked and I don't think we've had too many issues since then. We're slowly but surely working on the set, and I've been sent to sound so I need to coordinate that. But it's good. I can't wait for the shows. :)
Glee, well, it's been Glee. Less drama than Drama, but more chaotic if that makes any sense. In a club filled with squirrels (middle schoolers), there is only so much you can do to direct them. But we've been making it work. I've been getting bundles of help from two other high schoolers and we've been getting our girlies whipped (not literally) into shape for our super secret performance on Friday. I am excited, and since I don't think anyone from my school reads this, I shall spill the beans. We are doing another flash mob. It's something that the kids wanted to do and so I said yes. There are other reasons, but they involve bad juju. Not really juju, just tension. After this, it's lunchtime performances, which is really what I'm excited for. 
Debate's been great, my partner and I are working on a new case and we're working better together now that I'm questioning her. Some of the things she says and thinks, well, they make others go "whut?". So with us together, we get it banged out pretty easy. Well, easier. I'm just loving it. 
School has been school. My physics class is the second shittiest class I have ever had the privilege to attend. Our teacher doesn't teach us, and then he expects us to know all this material that, oh yeah, he never taught us. So that's frustrating. I'm taking Stats as an independent study and that's going well. My Chinese class is AMAZING! I'm so glad we got a worth wile teacher this year because it's helped out a lot. 
Future school, that's a doozy. I've narrowed down my college options to five essentially. Here they are in order.
1. Berea College
2. Colorado College
3. University of Denver
4. Arcadia University
5. Metropolitan College of Denver ( I think o.O) 
But yeah, it's been okay. 
Relationships, well, we all know how that goes for me. My first crush was taken a week and a half after homecoming. And I can't really fault them, because they are ADORABLE. And the girl really is amazing too. She's smart, pretty, and can basically do anything. I really admire her. :) But now I'm pretty sure my second and last crush is going down the drain. I found him with a girl today and they were clearly couple cuddly. And I am slightly sad about it, but once again, they are so CUTE together that I don't really mind. They found each other and they sort of connected due to similar experiences. I can't really get upset at them either, because it's THEIR lives and I have no right to judge or be jealous or interfere. I guess I'm just frustrated because I'm a coward and I can't hardly talk to guys I like without looking at my shoes. Hell, I can't even look at them when I like them period. I'm not sure, but I also think I got hit on by a girl on the bus yesterday. I'm almost certain of it. She made a consecutive effort to speak to me, and her body language was very clear. And she was a sweet girl too but I'm unfortunately straight, hence my never ending tale of woe. Maybe if I was lesbian, then I'd be doing better. Somehow though, I doubt it. Meh. It's alright.
My life is always going to be a pretzel, no matter what I do. But that's alright. I'm going to try to keep up with these entries, like I always say I'm going to, but likely it will be another little while before I blog again. We'll see. 
P.S. My DU interview was like I was interviewing for a jury panel.
P.P.S. My CC interview was stunning. I really felt that I was talking to a friend instead of an interviewer. And that was really nice.

Okay. I is done. 

Goodnight everybody!!!

Well hmm...

I think I must come off as dishonest or something, because my friends never believe me when I'm telling the truth. 
First of all, I didn't jack up the sound equipment in the auditorium. I didn't. Whomever took that cart out a week and a half ago did. All the cords were messed up and I just tried to put them right. I didn't disconnect any from the powerboard, I just connected them to the base in the stairs, and I tried to get the volume to work. I didn't press any buttons and I DIDN'T MESS IT UP! Sorry, a little bit of a rant mode there. I tried telling them that, but guess what, they didn't believe me. I can't say I blame them too much because I definitely know how irritating it is. I can blame them however for not talking to me about it like adults. They blindly accuse without knowing. Wait, that is the majority of adults for you. Never mind then. 
The second one I do kind of appreciate. He's this guy that's a junior, and I really do think that he does care. He asks if I'm doing okay, and he says I can tell him anything, and that I can be honest. I can't make heads or tails of it, but I'm happy that he asks. He's basically the only one that does. 

Third, well. Nevermind. Well actually, I guess it's just paranoia/boy sense. I don't have a lot of it granted, but I have enough. Enough to be fairly certain that I'm being stared at. But by who? Whoever it is, I hope they say something. I hate being left in the dark.

Halloween was today, and it was a blast. I decided to be a vampire and I made my own homemade blood! I found a video online, and it was really easy. Just flour, pancake syrup, and food coloring. I botched up three batches before I got it right. It was worth it though. I also got to wear totally awesome bitch boots to school! Rocking, sexy, hottie boots! I was very very happy. Even though I did twist my ankle on the way to school...
Damn, my first twisted ankle and I don't have a cool story to back it up. Oh well, I can pretend I got into a bar fight. XD

I met up with Sabrina and Raven on the bus. It was odd seeing them again. It just seems like they're popping in and out of my life like crazy. I just keep seeing them on the RTD. I was actually just sitting there and they boarded. And Sabrina said, she's on this bus somewhere. And I turn around. It was funny. Raven looked just like he did before he started growing facial hair, and it was amazingly adorable. But, there was another girl there that I met. I think she's his girlfriend. But she also was very nice. And I loved her clothes. :) I don't hold ridiculous grudges or arguments that I know I'll lose. It seems pointless to me. 

Editing is turning into a job, but a fun one. My little teen author just keeps getting better and better, and her chapters get longer each time. I am truly enjoying myself, even if I am acting as a resident therapist. lol

It's a Case of Overprotective

Three guesses what this means. 
If you guessed my mom, you would be right. 
I forgot to call her when I got to school this morning and she was freaking out. She can't just trust that I can get to school on my own. Why can't she? It's because of her damage, but it's not mine. It was an accident that I didn't call her, seriously. I turned off my ringer on the RTD because I didn't want it to ring and disturb anyone. Then, when I got into school it completely slipped my mind to call. And with that I missed her six calls. She was seriously planning to call the police. And that is not okay, it's just not. I'm tired of being worried about missing a call, just one single call can send my life to where it's at right now. Misery. Anger. Frustration. I hate that it's like this, I really do. But I'm stuck, I'm stuck with it until I move out.

Flashback

Talk about ghosts, I swear I've seen too many. And in the strangest places. Today I was at the lightrail station and I ran into a student from last year. And it was just weird seeing him again. Deja vu, hello? But, despite all his asshole moves from...ever, he seems to be doing well now. It's a good thing.

Fleeing

That's what I felt like today. I felt like I was on the verge of running away the entire time. Honestly, if I could have, I would have left school early. It wasn't even that I was upset, or ignored, or even bothered. I just felt claustrophobic. I even skipped drama today, I just couldn't handle it. And I wanted to handle it, I really did. Especially after school. I was outside the auditorium, bundling up to head to the buses. And a guy walked by with his friends and started talking, standing by the auditorium. And then one of them, he started break dancing. Not only was it awesome, but I wanted to stay and talk and I wasn't sure how. 
My friends repeatedly point this out to me. They point out the clearly obvious and embarrassing fact that I'm too shy. For heavens sake, I made a comment about not wanting many slow dances at homecoming, and I was looked at like I was a nut. I'm not a nut! I'm a cheesecake! Her words were, 
"You're just to shy to grab a guy."
And yes I bloody well am! So what! I guess that if I dance with a guy, I want to know that there's something there. Anything really. I'd take lust, curiosity, pity, anything. Well, not pity. Scratch that. But you get my drift. I'm just not a random dancer person. If someone came up to me, I don't think I could turn them down, but as for grabbing one off the side, nope. I can't do that. 
I also want to dye my hair before homecoming, but I'm not sure what color to choose. I'm thinking purple or blue. Maybe black. I definitely don't want red, and I don't want to damage my hair to badly. So I don't know. We'll see I guess. I'm definitely asking mom for a sleepover the weekend of though. I need help.
It was also bloody cold today. I felt like I froze. That wasn't fun. I've got to finish up my drivers education and get a car. And soon! Otherwise, I'll be a Popsicle.
Life, you have weird ways of twisting me about. 
P.S. I am now director of the Glee club! Add this plus drama club, I will have a very busy year. Not to mention debate. Oi.
P.P.S. I am proud of myself! I found a way to rig one of the back doors to the auditorium so that I can always get in during my free periods. I have my middle periods before lunch open everyday and I love it. I have to rig the doors because the office won't open them otherwise. They say I need a supervisor, but I don't. I'm almost 18, I'm responsible, and I won't ever be able to convince a teacher to camp out in the auditorium for a full hour and a half! Also, the auditorium is the only quiet and deserted place in the entire school anymore! There is never a place for a girl to get some peace from the constant chatter of middle schoolers. I like listening to the high schoolers, mostly because the conversations make me smile. But middle schoolers...They're like squirrels on crack. They. Never. Stop. 
Okay, I'm rambling so I'm cutting this off here.
Farewell my fellow cheesecakes and nuts!

Fake It

Fake It by Seether is the theme for this. Well the majority of it anyway.

For the part that isn't related to the song...Yesterday, my morning started out great. I got my aura read, I met 3 out of the 5 members of One Direction. I was trying sooo hard not to fangirl, but I was dying on the inside. But I also figured that they get enough of that, so, yeah. But either way...
EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Yeah, I was hyped for the next hour. 
I also had fun in my classes, laughing and just hanging out with everyone.

Unfortunately, the shit hit the fan, just like it always does. A good day always goes sour. And the metaphorical shit, was Glee club. 
So, I was delighted to be able to do Glee this year. I was planning on it being fun, but I was also planning on making it into more of a democracy, instead of the dictatorship my friend(and I use that term very loosely at the moment) makes it. Don't get me wrong, she's nice, but she doesn't know jack shit about running a club and keeping kids under control. 
Our club is full of energetic middle schoolers who need someone to tell them when to be quiet and listen. She lets them run around, and then when she tries to call their attention, she doesn't get any respect. She doesn't think anyone's opinions but hers matter, and I'm trying really hard to advocate for what these kids want, but it's fucking annoying when I am seen as the guilty party. Granted, I accepted that accusation, if only for the sake of keeping peace, but COME ON! Give a little, get a little. Isn't it silly to apologize for having an opinion? I think it is.
It's not just my fault that she's stressed, even if I am a factor. She didn't even want to do the club this year, she just feels obligated. 
And that is the absolute worst reason to do something. 
She's not cut out for management and it's not what she wants to do. She wants to be the one on stage, not the one directing what happens on stage. 
I just don't understand her. It's like she doesn't have a brain of her own when it comes to her knowing what she wants to do or think. And this not only applies to clubs, but to school, careers, religion, her entire fucking life essentially. 
I guess it just gets on my nerves because I was at that point, and I'm not anymore. 
But yes, that is my Glee rant, and it's the fourth one I've given. Don't you just feel specials. ;)
I chose Fake It as the song for this, because it was the epitome of what I was feeling.
Lyrics of Influence:
Good god, you're comin’ up with reasons
Whoa, you’re such a fuckin’ hypocrite
Fake it, if you feel like infection

These lyrics just show how frustrated I feel about this entire debacle. Sad but true. 

Today, I managed a miraculous feat of miraculousness. Two actually.
1. I performed a traditional Mongolian dance on a leg with damaged muscle. 
2. On the way home, I hit the curb, hopped the same curb, ran into a sign, and knocked the chain on my bike off. Now that my friends, that is talent.   

Today was good, and fun. Even if it was confusing at the very end. A guy in my grade who I NEVER thought would ever talk to me, well, he talked to me. He actually saw the presentation and thought it was "cool". Yeah, I was a little shocked. But pleasantly so. Depressing thing is, it took a dance show to put me on the proverbial male road map. Oh well. And before you think I'm crazy, which I might be...Right before I left, he winked at me. I mean, come on. I couldn't have imagined that. Wait, maybe I could have, seeing as how my marbles just spilled all over the place.

ANYWAY! I'm babbling, so I will stop the babble and post this sucker!

P.S. CHAT ROULETTE IS AMAZING! So far my celeb conversations are:
-Deadmau5 (last week)
-ONE DIRECTION! (YESTERDAY!) 
I wonder if I'll meet more. :D 

Speeding Up, Slowing Down, and Sloth

That's how things are right now, and that's pretty much all they're ever going to be.
My romantic life is crap, so I'll just skip that.
My life...IT'S CONSUMED!!! By school.
At school, I am now a participant in three clubs, Glee, Drama, and Debate. And if I don't keep up on everything, I am screwed.
So many things have the potential to conflict, everything actually. Particularly Drama and Debate. Wow, I knew that Debate had drama, and Drama had debate, but I never thought things would turn out like this. It's like a soap opera, and that's not a happy thought.
Not only that, but school is getting insane.

Right Back At 'Em

So I'm back in school. Whoop-de-do. No, it's not as bad as I'm making it sound. I'm actually having a good time so far. I've been seeing my friends a lot and just getting back into the groove of things. But I'm kind of scared. What happens when things start picking up? I honestly don't know. 

I've broken another pair of headphones. It's just my horrid luck I guess. 

And I don't really have much to say. I just felt like talking.

Just An Update

Just decided to update, and keep all of you mystery readers entertained. Because let's face it, I have no idea who reads this stuff. XD But I hope that it's enjoyable. 

So I've been getting my room all set up and it's been a long road. As of now I'm still taping up pictures and hunting down clothes. The pictures are all ones that I've cut out of national geographic magazines, so they're really pretty. But seeing as how most of my walls are still bare, I intend to use the remaining space for my own pictures and art. Lord knows that I want this to be MY room for as long as I have it. Which may not be for long, seeing as how I graduate this year. 

Which I have to talk about. I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate high school!!! I thought I did, I really thought I did, but as it turns out, I am a lost soul. Up till this year I was so certain that I wanted to be a forensic scientist and I'd had this dream for a couple years straight. However, now I have no clue. I have so many things on the list of things that I would love to do, because I don't want this to just be a JOB, I want to enjoy it. And I don't know what that is yet. I hope I find out soon. 

But anyways, I start school on(duh, duh, duh, dah), Monday! Yeah, and it's my first year riding the RTD on my own. So I am hoping that this goes, ahem, smoothly. Also praying that I get to school on time. And hoping that my schedule isn't too hard to change, and hoping that I can get a bus pass from the school in time for the next month. Seems like a tall order doesn't it. But no matter what, I just hope that I'm not stuck in any AP classes. This is mostly because I'll have plenty on my plate this year without the added curricular load. Add extracurriculars to that, I am essentially screwed this year. I have Glee, Debate, and Gym. And that's just what I consider essential, it's not everything that I wanted to do. Not to mention which I have no freaking clue if I have any CCD classes!!! So yeah. :( This will be a slightly traumatic year. But hey, it's senior year after all. And it's time to shake things up!

But not too much I'd hope. 

I still wish to survive.

Horses, Presentations, and Not Quite Heartbreak

This is turning out to be a much better week that I'd hoped. 

I spent Saturday helping out at the Aspen Lodge, for an event that didn't really happen. But I got to know people and that was fun!

Sunday had to be the best though. Not only did I get to do Tai Chi in the morning, but then I got to spend a full day at the stables!!! And guess what, it was AWESOME! I was around the horses for hours, petting them, sketching them, and I even got to go on a ride! Like I said, it was fantastically awesome. Then I got to hack into a laptop (COMPLETELY LEGALLY, I WAS ASKED TO) and made it so that they could access the administrator account. This laptop was bought used and they needed to be able to use it, and they couldn't without the administrator account. But needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself. Also needless to say, I screamed at the computer a lot before I figured it out. 

Today, I did a presentation in the Yurt/Ger about my Mongolia trip. And that went really well and was just wonderful. My grandparents came up to see it, and lots of the people that my Dad and Stepmom knew came. I was just happy that I was able to share it.

But as for the not quite heartbreak portion, I am now single. To be honest, it was a mutual thing. We both weren't feeling things anymore, so it's over. But I am ashamed to say that I was a coward, and I waited for him to confront it instead of doing it myself. But that's all over now. And honestly, I'm not sure what to feel like. I'm just not. But we'll see in the morning I guess. I need to change my phone's background now...But the thing is, I do hope that Chris and I are still friends after this. I don't want to lose this friendship. We were friends first. And I hope that's still there. 

Wow. Quite an eventful four days. Well, I guess it's five now. Wow. :D

Love Pains-Lyrics-Video Forthcoming?

I'm starting to realize that it's hurting

It's hurting that you're not talking to me

It hurts that you doesn't seem to care

It hurts that I don't know where we stand

I'm scared to even take your hand

The pains that are growing

The aches that are soaring 

The hopes that are dying

Why am I the only one trying?

Sometimes I wonder if we're still together

Because when we talk

It's like it's been forever

I see your name on my screen

I wait for you to speak

As I wait, you sign off

And I know that if I'd tried

There was a fifty fifty chance

That you would even say hi back

The pains that are growing

The aches that are soaring 

The hopes that are dying

Why am I the only one trying?

We said we wouldn't last

Secretly I hoped we would

I guess that was just my dream

I'm sick of just me trying

Of feeling like my soul is dying

So I'll take this knife of black

Sever the cord 

Take my heart back 

Late Night Treasures-Poem/Lyrics

It’s times like this that I will treasure

Late nights to watch the stars

Board games to make us laugh

Movies that make us cry

Bonding us together

It’s these moments I will treasure

For the day when you’ve gone

I will remember

The smiles that split my face

The laughter that leads to tears

The shouts of victory

Forever branded in my memory

When I look back

Or when I’m down

Or when I need you there

I’ll recall these times

And I know you’ll be here

Close to School

School is so close, I can almost taste it. It tastes like fried Parmesan chips, not too bad but also kind of acrid. But there's also a ton to look forward to. I have friends to see and go downtown with and a friend who's introducing me to new music this year. His name is Elias and he's in a band. They're actually not bad. I'm planning on spending more time out on my own and less time at home. We'll see how that goes though.

About a week ago I spent Lughnasadh with my stepmom, Dad, and family friend in our Ger(Yurt). We did a ritual in which we meditated and prayed and gave thanks for the harvest that the year had brought us. We did some knot magic and then we just drank wine and talked and ate. It was amazing. And it was the first time that my Dad had done something like that with me in the vicinity and it was shocking to me. He'd always been the atheist, the one who didn't cave to any religious ideas. And now, having him perform magic with us, it was amazing and powerful. At least in my mind it was. And I can't wait to do something like that with him again. 

Dad's going in for surgery on Monday. And I'm kind of sick of it. He's been to the hospital way too much in the past five years. I just wish he'd get better. I wish that hospitals didn't cost so much. I wish we didn't have to worry about him getting sick. But with all the luck that I'm hoping for, Dad will be healthy for the rest of his life. 

I spent the past five days with my cousin and we just got to hang out. We got to go downtown and shop and be girls for once. Or at least I did. 

My cousin's the only person I am 100% myself around. So it was incredibly freeing to be able to let loose. I never get to go shopping and just have fun with my girlies. And these past days I did. And I loved it. I can't wait to do it again. 

I need to start writing again, lyrics and stories. But I lost my muse...And I need it back, desperately. My readers are probably furious with me. lol

The Curse of the Headphones

So I have this issue with my headphones. Normally, I can only keep them alive for about a month. This is because I get the ones from the store that are about $15. And they break so damned easy. So when I was in Mongolia I invested in headphones that go over the head. And they were amazing. They had really good booming sound and I could really tune out when I needed to. It's not really tuning out if you can hear outside noise, and these headphones blocked out all outside noise.

But today, the kitten chewed through the plastic coated wires and so now only one side of the headphones get sound, and the wires are too exposed for me to be able to continue using them. So basically, these headphones, which had been my ultimate favorites, are now ruined. I know that the kitten didn't mean to, but these were my favorites and they had brilliant sound. 

I just wish I could manage to keep a pair of headphones intact for more than a month.

And I know this sounds crazy, but my music is one of my only escapes. And when I can't escape, I feel like I can't breathe. I get tense and stressed. And so now that one of my best calming methods is out until I get a new set...I feel, well, tense and stressed. 

Gah... :(

...

I survived! Obviously, lol. :) I was just being paranoid.

Caution and Music

So, the Olympics in London opening ceremony was tonight. I watched it and I loved it! My favorite part was the mini Mary Poppins dance that they did. That just made my night. And then we watched British music through the ages, which was just stunning. I officially adore British music. Well, I love music in general, but this really showed me that I need to expand my horizons. Drastically. I can't wait to see how the Olympics turn out. I'll definitely be keeping an eye on the games this time around.

Part two was the time I spent talking to my stepmom. And that was just fun. We really can talk and it's nice to be able to do that. But here's the thing...Towards the end of our conversation we kept hearing crunches, like feet on leaves. But then I heard panting. So we packed up and headed inside, because we were sitting outside. All the doors got locked and all the windows got closed. And I admit it, I am slightly paranoid...Ergo, I'm sleeping with my daggers next to me tonight. And my flashlight. And a seashell to bludgeon any attackers with. Just sayin.

Part three...Was the realization that I'm useless at flirting of any nature. I can't even get sim guys to like me. That's just sad...Yeah. I realized that through playing My Candy Love. Am I a dork? Yes. Do I care? Not really, because it's kind of fun to play these games. I do prefer my boyfriend though. I can't wait till I can see him again. <3

And to all my anonymous readers, thanks for reading! x

Good Day, Good Night.

So today was great. Despite the fact that I got up bloody early. I got up early to go to the doctors office. For one reason might I add, to help my acne. But I didn't just get help for my acne. I got shots...And no one likes shots. So that wasn't fun. But the funny thing about this was that the doctor kept wanting to get me on birth control just in case I became "sexually active". It was quite literally in ever other sentence he said. He didn't seem to believe me when I said I wasn't planning on it for I while. And the hilarious thing is that I am the furthest away from ever needing that within, well, the next three to four years. But it will be at least three years before I consider something like that. Well, maybe two. Then the pharmacist told me not to use tanning beds when she was giving me my medicines. And I have not once used a tanning bed in my life. So that was funny. 

After that I went to work, and I got to speak Chinese to some Chinese students who were here visiting on a study program! It was fun, and humiliating too! :D Compared to their accents and speech, I sounded like I was two. 

Then I got home and was able to relax. I got to practice a bit of guitar and Dad let me try some of the beer that he made. Just a couple sips though. Especially after the solstice party a couple years ago...Yeah, alcohol...Not a good idea. :P Then me, my Dad, and my Bonus Mom all did Tai Chi. So that was nice. They were trying to explain Tai Chi to me, but I already knew all that they were trying to teach me. So I kept quiet about it, but they noticed. So we laughed. And I was supposed to be heading to bed. But, knowing me, I won't be asleep until at least one in the morning. Wells...Here comes boredom! Kidding, I'll find something to keep me busy. Hmm...I think my choice shall be...FOOD! It is time for a snack raid. ^_^

Bawling Like A Baby. Again.

So I need to stop watching dramas at two o'clock in the morning. Because that is the magical time where I bawl my eyes out. 

I blogged about the movie I watched about a week ago, Lifted. And this movie was pretty close to that level. 

This movie was Untamed Heart. And oh my god, it was the sweetest love story I've seen in a while. Which is why, when it ended, and ended like it did, I couldn't stop myself from crying. My heart literally clenched and I wanted to reach through the screen to change the way it ended. I don't want to give it away because I want you readers(mysterious and anonymous as you are) to see this film. It's worth every single miniscule moment that you give it.

Guitar!!!

My Dad gave me my first real guitar lesson today and I loved it. I loved that he showed me some chords, but not only that, he gave me a book so I could study on my own. It's essentially homework. And I really do think that's what I need in order for me to actually practice. But I seriously had so much fun. After Dad showed me the book, he left me on my own and I practiced strings and string changes for about an hour. It still sounds harsh to me, but maybe I'm not accustomed to the sounds yet. Well, we shall see. And like I've mentioned, it is a Gibson guitar. I'm going to restore it as soon as I can. Overall though, I don't think it really matters. And that's mostly because I'm loving it so much. :)

Blamed but it's Okay

So once again, there were computer problems. And like it's been lately, I've been blamed for it. My computer wasn't even connected to the internet, but I was blamed for the loss of mom's connection. Well, I can't do anything about it anyway. So why worry too much. 

Hakuna matata!

I'm back in Denver until tomorrow morning and I am very very happy. I just attended the wedding of my Uncle and new Aunt. It was beautiful, just like a wedding should be. A family gathering out by the river, food, and true love shown in vows. If I ever get married(which is HIGHLY unlikely), I want my wedding to be like that.

But not only that, Mom got our house and I have my own room!!! I've been getting everything set up and I am in LOVE! Do you know what I get to say to my sister now?

"Get out of my room!"

And after sharing a room with her for over a decade that phrase is really like a breath of fresh air. I love air. XD

Before The Goodbye-Lyrics

First off, I'd like to say that I am experiencing mass creativity sparks now. But it's not the kind I want. I want story sparks! Not lyric sparks! But, here's the lyrics anyway. :D

15 minutes between responses
And I can't even tell when it started
Hours ago
Minutes
Days
Time seems to blur
It's all a haze
Your responses deaden my heart
All that you're saying is that you don't care
That living away from me was like a breath of fresh air
Well I raise a glass to you
'Cause you played me like I was a fool
Teasing my heart in so many ways
Up and down
Everyday
If I had never told you what I felt
My heart wouldn't be shattered
Like it is now
And you don't even think that you did wrong
So I'm saying it in a song
Showing you your sins against my love
It's gone
I'm gone
I'm far away
Above the clouds
Above the lies
Before the goodbye I wanted to tell you this
My true love does exist
It's for the one who can carry my heart all the way through
And baby as much as I wished it
It wasn't you 

My Words- Poem and Potential Lyric Segments In Various Lines

My words
Some are not meant to be seen
My songs
Some aren't meant to be sung
My life is kept in files
It's not for you to see
A word to keep them safe
It's necessary
So when you tell me that I'm wrong
Wrong to have my space
Wrong to have my thoughts written but unseen
It's a place of hurt where I've never been
When you don't see how I see
When you don't see how I feel
I'm scared to bare my soul to you
To ever show my words at all
You're helping me to create a giant shameful wall
And though I do not wish to hide
I admit it's what I do
Because when I don't have my space
What else can I do?
This password keeps me safe
Keeps out unwanted scorn
Because my words are me
And I'm scared to have me torn

Privacy Problems

So, back when my sister and I shared a desktop computer, we had separate accounts. And she would not stay off of mine, always messing about in my documents, pictures, and programs. So I did the logical thing. I put a password on my account and made myself the administrator so that she couldn't get into my account no matter what.

Then I got my own laptop and stopped using the desktop. So of course, nothing happened with the different accounts anymore. And my sister barely used it anyway, because when we were in our apartment, we couldn't connect it to the internet.

But today, my sister was able to connect the desktop to the internet due to the fact that we got a house. Except for the fact that I was the administrator and the administrator is the only one that can mess with the internet connections.

So Mom calls me and she's pissed. She'd been trying to connect to the internet with the desktop and realized that she couldn't. She tried to get me to say my password, but here's the thing, I couldn't remember. I hadn't been on that computer in so long, so of course I forgot. So I'm trying to mediate the situation, calm her down, and all the while I'm at work and trying to watch customers as well as remember all my passwords.

Well, we finally figure it out. Thank god...

But she practically calls me a twat. She says (verbatim), 

"In the words of Andrew Moores (her friend); anyone who puts a password on their computer is a twat."

So did she, or did she not call me a twat? She did. Indirectly of course, but still...Argh. 

It kind of stung that she didn't understand that I just wanted to keep my sister out of my stuff, and that she called me an idiot for taking non-confrontational action. I understand that it irritated her, but it irritates me that she got mad at me because I wanted my privacy.

But that's how life is I guess. You get called an idiot because you want to have some things private. And do you know what?

That sucks.

Plans In Sections and Snippets...a.k.a. PISS XD

So, a lot's been going on...Too much and too little at the same time. I think I'll write it up in sections. 

Section One: Love Life

Zip, zero, nada. We talk occasionally, but nothing is really there anymore. And I think he's trying to make it that way so that when he does break up with me (yes, it's inevitable) it hurts me less. Well that's his theory and it's kind of bullshit. But, I could also be totally wrong here. So, I don't even know what to think about that. I know that I miss him and I won't get to see him for far too long. I guess I just wish I knew where we stood. 

Section Two: Family 

Things have been looking both up and down. Dad's doing so so much better. He's smiling more and I don't think he's in as much pain. We got a new cat, he's pure black with the most captivating green eyes. His name is Beauregard Ninja. But I just call him Ninja. My Uncle Drew is getting married next week to the sweetest woman I think I've met. I'm going to be glad to be able to call her Aunt. My Mom has all our stuff moved into our new house. My room's going to be a complete mess, but that's my own fault. I wasn't there for the packing bit. My little sisters are adorable and hyper. So that's normal. It's a bit of a relief to have something somewhat normal.

Section Three: Work

I has a job! And it's mind numbingly slow. I do get paid well, but I wish it had a quicker pace. But luckily, the people that I work with are fun. We shared our drunk stories today.

Section Four: Random Shit

I'm now watching True Blood with my Dad and step mom. Hawkward! But also fun. 

I'm going to be learning guitar on a gorgeous 1966 Gibson guitar. 

I have my prom and homecoming dress all picked out.

People are going insane over venues for Graduation. And I'm just to the point where I want to say,

"Screw it. I'm ditching and getting my certificate mailed to me."

And do you know why? It's because we've been debating it for, oh, A MONTH NOW! It's bat shit crazy all this arguing, and I'm a tad fed up. 

I had something to say...But then I lost it...

OH! 

Yeah, we need to plan 13 wicked senior pranks, because we are the most wicked class of 2013!!!

2013 BITCHES! OH YEAH! We graduate AFTER the world ends. Oh yeah, suck it! And we have lucky 13 on our side.

...................................................................

I need to sleep. I am not nice when I'm tired. So goodnight world. 

So long, farewell! 

...

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xx     :)

Forget Me Not- Poem/Lyric Segment?

If I had a voice that made the angels cry

I'd convey my thoughts in a single sigh

All the feelings that I feel for you

Shining brighter than the ocean blue

But now it's time for me to depart

And even though it pains my heart

In my soul I know this to be true

Don't forget me

I'll never forget you

Happy Again, and Downtown to Boot!

So my Dad will be fine. I can't tell you how relieved I am. Apparently it's an infection, and so my  Dad is on antibiotics now. See, here's the thing. I'm not sure how much I trust the doctors anymore. They gave my Dad the wrong antibiotic. Thank god one of my aunts is a nurse and she told Grandma, who told Dad. So he's on the right stuff now. I'm glad.

I got to spend some time downtown with my cousin! And that was amazing. I've never really gone out shopping with my friends before, so this was special. Especially since my cousin is one of my best friends. I can tell her anything and she can tell me anything too. We walked around and shopped and ate bunches of sugary treats. Amazingness.

All in all, things are looking up. :)

Almost A Month...

Well, it's been almost a month since my last blog post. And in this last month I have been so unbearably busy. Well, for one, I went to Mongolia! And that was honestly one of the most life-changing experiences of my life. I tried to blog while I was there, but there was never anytime. I couldn't even find time to journal. I'll try to post some of my experiences in another blog, I'll post the link once I get some of it up. 

But, I also came back to chaos. After one day, I started working at my summer job again. And I tried to take on another one too. But the second one didn't work out because of scheduling. Oh well. I just won't be able to go into that Dairy Queen this summer...or ever. 

The scariest thing though is that my dad is sick again. A couple years ago he had cancer. And he got through it fine. It was hard, but we all managed. And now, he has a hyperactive thyroid. He got treatment for it and so that was okay. But now, he has a mysterious, I don't even know what to call it because the doctors don't know what it is. He's going to a center today to get it checked out and I'm just praying that he comes home with good news. The first time we went through something this scary was heartbreaking. And the second time around, it's even worse. It's worse because we just don't know what will happen. At least with the cancer we had a clue, but with this we don't. I'd think we'd get used to this, but we never did. We never have. And I just wish we never had to.

Paths-Lyrics

What are you thinking?

When you look at your screen

When you see my name

Are you thinking about leaving?

What did I do to earn your scorn?

What did I do?

Should I feel so torn?

If this love won’t work for us

Let’s call it quits now

Because if we stay longer

The pain will drown us out

Together we stood

Against a ticking clock

Upon the distant horizon

We saw the end coming

Upon dark horses

Carried on locusts

Bringing doom

If this love won’t work for us

Let’s call it quits now

Because if we stay longer

The pain will drown us out

I saw where we were headed

But I still reached out to you

Now all that’s left

Is for you to do it too

I miss how we used to be

I want what we could be

But I wonder if we ever will be

If this love won’t work for us

Let’s call it quits now

Because if we stay longer

The pain will drown us out

I don’t want to end bitter

Leave loose ends to rot

I’d rather we burn to ashes

Crumble into dust

Then maybe one day

A phoenix will rise

Giving our love reprise

If this love won’t work for us

Let’s call it quits now

Because if we stay longer

The pain will drown us out

I still wish to be by you

Being by your side

It’s like I’m home

But in this time that is now

There’s too much for us to see

In this time

There can’t be you and me

I can’t inflict more pain

By giving you my love

It’ll tear us both in two

So with a tear in my eye

To you

I’ll say

Goodbye