Remembrances

Rihanna's song oh nana whats my name? just came on. And that just reminds me of my time in china, which kind of makes me sad, for multiple reasons.
1. The inside joke around the song and one of my friends named Onaje(nicknamed Onana). Who I do miss.
2. This makes me miss China!! :(
3. I miss being a part of my friend group on the APSA trip where it was easier to joke and be myself.
4. I just miss all my friends in general, Zeek included, and Marylu, Victoria, Laura, and Connie.
4. I miss my mentor Jessica!
5. I miss my excursion group!
It's just a lot of missing people, and remembering memories. I wish the summer had lasted longer.

People just love to make my life awkward, lol. Yep, Sabrina, Jason, and Chris. Fun but, well, awkward. :) I love being around them though. They can always make me smile.

Braunwyn and Miriam say I shouldn't call Zeek, but I might. Plus, I'm signing up for the DC trip. If I get it, I might have to arrange an accidental meeting. ;) Man, it's hard not to like him, even though he was a jackass. Now I know how Braunwyn feels when I tell her to stop liking a jackass, and Taylor, and any other girl I've comforted about jackass guys. Which is a lot.. Wow, I'm a regular psychologist. Lol, jk!!! Still. And now I feel like a major hypocrite too. Yikes. BTW, why do people always talk to me about their problems? I don't mind, but it is strange how I attract that chaos and drama, even when I'm not a part of it. Sometimes it's fun to listen and give them advice. I guess I am a witch in that way too, because talking to me is like talking to a wall and I don't tell secrets( Terry Pratchett novel reference).

Drifting

I can't believe how fast time seems to fly. It seems like yesterday was Tuesday, even though I know is was Wednesday. Oceans are like that, and I could blame the ocean if Colorado had one. But we don't, because we're landlocked. So... It's just mah brain being crazy. Maybe I need to pay more attention...

I'm dreading facing my debate partner, or anyone else in the debate team. None of them understand, and they're just going to make me feel guilty for doing what I enjoy and look forward to. It's not worth it for me to talk to them yet, not until they will listen to how I feel. And right now, the only one that listening is our debate coach. But he's going to talk to the other coach and Emma to see if something can be worked out. But what i nothing can be worked out, what do I do then? That would call my bluff.

Sabrina was called into the office and I left debate as soon as I could. God damn, I wish Sabrina didn't have to deal with this. She doesn't deserve to have all this chaos in her life. She deserves to be happy.

I wish I could shapeshift.

Check Your Understanding

Why is the world always making you choose? Sometimes I feel like it's only one or the other, and both are of equal value. Today for instance, my debate partner basically asked me to choose between debate and glee. The thing that make this hurt was the logic she used. She said we couldn't focus in the lunch meetings, which we could if we made an effort, and she also said it was just missing one meeting a week for glee.

But I told her how important this was to me. Glee only meets twice a week, and I'd be missing it for half the time. I go to 2 out of 3 debate meetings, only missing one because it clashes with glee. Glee used to be on the bottom rung of my life, and now it's at the top! Sabrina and Jason are there, and I get to help people. I'm encouraging them, and they depend on me a bit. We help each other out. Not to mention which, Glee meetings are the highlights of my week. I don't have to struggle to fit in or keep up. I'm there, and people accept me, me the antisocial hermit!

The aura is light, and teasing, and fun! I'm really happy there. And in a school day where all I want to do is plug in my iPod and read, that's big for me. Sure I like talking to others, but the deepest sense of peace I get is when I'm drowning in music, and Glee lets me do that. I know I joke that music is my lifeline, heck today I told Zack that my iPod was my best friend. I half wonder if that was true, because when I'm listening to my iPod I don't worry about pleasing anyone, or defending myself, or running away, or hiding, or being light and upbeat when I'm not. When I have my music playing, I'm myself, and I don't have to pretend for anyone.

Glee was a way for me to do that, and now Emma wants to make me choose. I told her that if she made me choose, I'd drop both clubs. But I don't think I'd have the strength to do that. It's an effective bluff, but that's all it is. I can't give up Glee and I really don't want to give up debate. I'm just not sure how to tackle this problem. Honestly, all I want to do is run away. I can't run away from my life though. I need to face what I've created in my life. Maybe this chaos is what my cards were trying to warn me about. Too much chaos in my life. Help.

BTW: I welcome any other interpretations of my card reading.

Scary Saturday

Okay, today is the tournament, and I'm freaking out. I set the alarm for 4:30 in the hopes I'd have enough time, but even so, I barely slept all night! I was in and out if sleep from stress. But I'm just going to eat breakfast and attempt to chill out. Where's the tranquilizers when you need them? LOL
No seriously....where?

Okay, I was insanely busy all day. Basically from the moment I got to the tournament, from the moment I left. So, here's the update!

Well, in our first match, my debate partner wigged, and I had to carry out the first match on my own. But in the next round she was fine, and we won the rest, which really surprised me, especially on the third round.

And... Dun dun dun duh!! I won 2nd place novice speaker!! And me and Emma got into the gold medals for the novice division too. All in our first tournament! Which I can only call EPIC!!!!!! XD

Setting In

The cold winds are starting to come in and settle down. Blah. But that's winter for you. I love winter, but just like Mom does... From the warm side of the glass.

Today is Glee's flashmob!! The students won't know what hit 'em! :D I'm the one who sent the announcement in, but since I don't have to sing, and I'm the tech person, I start the music. I love being the tech person, and having people depend on me. It's really nice to have people trust and rely on you. Of course, I'll be panicking until the announcement is called, and even more panic until the mob starts. This'll be fun!!

P|-|34R |\|O7 /\/\OR74L$!!!!!!
3Y3 $P34|< L337!!!!
Congratulations if you understand leetspeak. I applaud thee!

The mob went fantastically!!! I didn't faint, which is a bonus, and I had tons of fun!!!!

I hung out with Jason, Sabrina, and Sarah at lunch, and I think thats the most relaxing lunch I've had in ages. :)

The debate tournament is tomorrow, and even though I act calm, inside I am panicking! I hope it goes fine, and it probably will. Me and Emma will kick ass!!! XD

Wattpad

Hellos to anyone who sees this blog, which is no one as of now. But still... I have some stories on Wattpad under the username aliassierraanya. If you would read them and tell me what you think I'd be really grateful!!!

Another Day

Well yesterday, I kept one post open all day and updated it all day, then posted it at the very end. I think that worked well, so I'm going to continue it.

The morning bus actually has some good music playing, so my earbuds are out for once. Yesterday one of my friends put Lucifer by Shinee on my iPod. I was so happys! XD

My camera batteries died a couple days ago, but we went to the store yesterday, so it lives again. I should have pics up soon. Maybe in a picture blog... Maybe.
OMG, LMFAO's Sexy and I know It just came on!! I love this song!!!!

Okay, um... In Chinese class I was a moron! I paired myself up with my crush......... In a romance skit. I want to shoot myself right now. We preformed the skit today. And I was so damned embarrassed, and I was bright pink, laughing through all my lines. I curse my dumbass-ness. I laughed because it was either that or faint. And as it was, my knees were jelly anyway. It took me a while to stand up after I sat down, and I wanted to hide from sheer embarrassment on my part. Thank god it was a play! Maybe I can get away with the epic fail acting, because the lines were so cheesy. Which is probably why I laughed, I laughed because I do like him, and I could never say stuff like that.

Then in glee, I had to fill in for Kayla, and that was embarrassing and panicking. My voice is horrible, both Mom and Rhi say so. But Ms. Mason, Cheyenne, and Jason say I was fine. So now I'm really damned confused.
I was just filling in though, so when Kayla gets back, I can hide behind the computer again. *relief* :) I do love singing though... Behind closed doors. :D

My Mood

Too Much Homework

Well this serves me right. I left too much work till the end of the quarter, and now I'm paying the price. But still... I is tireds. I'll make sure to keep up on my work next quarter.

And now one of my friends is hurting herself again, and I'm not sure what to do! I might make her a protection and healing bag. Possibly a freezing spell, because I don't want to see her hurt. I just don't know though. I'm going to ask her first. Hopefully she is still my friend after this.

My first debate tournament is on Saturday!! Yays!! And Glee is doing a flash mob on Friday, and that should be amazing!

Picture

This is a pic of me and my Dad years ago, on my first backpacking trip. I look so serious, lol!!

Homecoming

          I have mixed feelings about homecoming. To be honest, the first half of homecoming SUCKED! A girl was grinding up against my crush for 90% of the time(which is half my fault, because by nature, I am a coward. I didn't ask him out, so I shouldn't really complain), and I was bored. But then during the last half I realized that if I didn't think about anything, and just danced my ass off, then I would have fun. And I did!!! I danced with one girl I didn't know, and Kayla, and Justice. I danced up near the strobe lights where everything looked like blurred together photographs. It was amazing.

        I also took more time to take pictures on the walk home, and they were pretty. I might post them. I also might create a blog for my China photos. Well, we'll see. :) We'll see if I'm lazy or not. 
        I've also taken on a lot of clubs this year. Last year I wasn't doing anything, but now I'm doing too much. But I'll have to learn to cope. If I can go to China, I can handle school. :D