Check Your Understanding

Why is the world always making you choose? Sometimes I feel like it's only one or the other, and both are of equal value. Today for instance, my debate partner basically asked me to choose between debate and glee. The thing that make this hurt was the logic she used. She said we couldn't focus in the lunch meetings, which we could if we made an effort, and she also said it was just missing one meeting a week for glee.

But I told her how important this was to me. Glee only meets twice a week, and I'd be missing it for half the time. I go to 2 out of 3 debate meetings, only missing one because it clashes with glee. Glee used to be on the bottom rung of my life, and now it's at the top! Sabrina and Jason are there, and I get to help people. I'm encouraging them, and they depend on me a bit. We help each other out. Not to mention which, Glee meetings are the highlights of my week. I don't have to struggle to fit in or keep up. I'm there, and people accept me, me the antisocial hermit!

The aura is light, and teasing, and fun! I'm really happy there. And in a school day where all I want to do is plug in my iPod and read, that's big for me. Sure I like talking to others, but the deepest sense of peace I get is when I'm drowning in music, and Glee lets me do that. I know I joke that music is my lifeline, heck today I told Zack that my iPod was my best friend. I half wonder if that was true, because when I'm listening to my iPod I don't worry about pleasing anyone, or defending myself, or running away, or hiding, or being light and upbeat when I'm not. When I have my music playing, I'm myself, and I don't have to pretend for anyone.

Glee was a way for me to do that, and now Emma wants to make me choose. I told her that if she made me choose, I'd drop both clubs. But I don't think I'd have the strength to do that. It's an effective bluff, but that's all it is. I can't give up Glee and I really don't want to give up debate. I'm just not sure how to tackle this problem. Honestly, all I want to do is run away. I can't run away from my life though. I need to face what I've created in my life. Maybe this chaos is what my cards were trying to warn me about. Too much chaos in my life. Help.

BTW: I welcome any other interpretations of my card reading.