Countdown

I've got less than 24 hours before I head down to Arizona and I'm so excited! I can literally feel the buzz under my skin. :D

Wondering about life and love

So, the fated moment came about when my boyfriend and I talked about the distance part of our long distance relationship. And I was so scared there for a minute that things were going way downhill, and to be honest, there was a part of me that wished for it. And deep down, I know that's a bad thing. And I also know that someday I will have to end this, because it's painful, and I don't honestly know if me and Zeek have a future. I'll try for a little longer though. I just don't want to give up. At the very least, he said he'd understand. Which, of course, played badly on my easy-to-guilt conscious. So I don't know. Maybe this trip to Arizona will help me work some of this out.

Speaking of which, I am so freaking excited! I just can't wait to be down there in the blessed heat! I hate being cold, and I don't imagine Arizona will be cold. Plus, I'll be traveling with awesome sauce peoples. So I don't think much can go wrong. Wait, scratch that. Everything can go wrong. I hope that it doesn't though.

Two in a day!

Yeah, two in a day. I feel like an obsessed blogger. Which I'm not. If my friend were here, she'd say, "The lady doth protest too much." XD But yeah. 

THE HUNGER GAMES WAS FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Even though I knew what was going to happen, and I was waiting for it, this movie still shocked me. 

Rue's death, that made me cry. And I am not kidding here. I full out started sobbing. Luckily, I wasn't the only one.

Prim being selected and then Katniss volunteering, that made my eyes fill. Not enough to have them spill, but so close. 

I loved how they portrayed Effie and Haymitch, they got those characters to a T. The actor Effie looked frosted almost, but she still had an indignant and Effie type feel. And then Haymitch's actor, don't get me started. He was sarcastic, cocky, a little less drunk than I imagined, and he was Haymitch. Stunning. 

I loved Lenny Kravitz as Cinna, he captured the caring and friendly character well. He seemed like an uncle rather than a stylist. 

Katniss and Peeta's actors were great, they really captured the characters well, and they made the love story seem so real. 

I've also got to give credits to the actor who played Gale, because he had just the right air of "in the friend zone"(check youtube, it's by your favorite martian). And yet when you got glimpses of him during the movie, you didn't just see the pain he felt that the girl he loved was in an arena where she might die, you saw the pain of him losing the girl he loved to another. And the jealousy too. That just broke my heart. Plus, Gale's actor, he was sexy. Not sessy, just sexy. Very very sexy. ;) 

And it was the ending that really impacted me, when they locked Seneca Crane in with a bowl of nightlock berries, I was biting my nails. It was the perfect rendering for that situation, he failed and he had to accept it in the way that the games had failed, by eating the berries that Katniss and Peeta threatened to. The nightlock was just sitting there in a glittering glass bowl and it held so much symbolism. Overall, I think this ranks in my top five movies. And possibly my favorite movie I've seen in my entire life.

Speaking of my life, I think I'm bloody paranoid. Remember in my previous post when I was in history class. Well, towards the end of that class I got asked a curious question and got a very telling glance. 

Backstory: I'm going to Arizona as part of a trip. It's the first stage, so that I might be able to go to Mongolia this summer. And I'm so excited for both!

Back to the present: So towards the end of class, one of the other boys that's going on the trip came and asked me if I was going. I said yes, and he said awesome. I was wondering why he even asked until I looked across the room at one of his friends, who was looking at me. That look spoke volumes. Massive, catastrophic volumes. I can't deal with this! A long distance boyfriend, a crush on a best friend, and now(possibly) a crush on me! I could be paranoid, but I don't know. I really don't. Why is life so confusing? 

 One thing is for certain though, things will change after spring break. Oh yes...they will. Whether it will be for better or for worse, I don't even know.

May the odds be ever in your favor!

I'm going to see the Hunger Games today and I am sooo bloody excited, I think it's dripping out my pores! EEK!!!!! :D :D:D:D:D I've been waiting for this movie for over a year now! It's gotten amazing reviews, the trailers have been amazing, and the books are brilliant. I can't wait to see how it's portrayed, and where they use Taylor Swift's song "Safe and Sound". Yeah, I am really looking forward to this. 

The odds aren't in my favor with Frisbee, that's for certain. I caught one out of every seven tosses. It was bad, but it was also fun. 

The odds weren't in favor for the Armenians. We just started a mini documentary on the Armenian genocide, and already what I've seen is heartbreaking. I did research on it earlier in the year, but it's different seeing it in this form. Just listening to this is sorrowful. I can't believe that Turkey still denies the occurrence of the genocide. I knew about the mass graves, but this is reminiscent of what happened to the Jews, and in fact, this happened before that. It's horrid, and it's wrong. I can't believe that humans would do this, and at the same time, I can. 

Why are humans so cruel?                                                                                                  

History

AGH!!! Yeah, that's what I'm feeling today. History is resurfacing in some places, and not where I want it too! 

First, and probably the most important, is the time I spent with Chris today. And I realized how much I liked him in the first place! IT SUCKS! Not just because I have a boyfriend now and I shouldn't be thinking this way, but because I don't know if it would have ever worked out.

And second, school. We had a discussion in World History AP(WHAP) and I began to see that real paper history, leather bound books, yellowed paper, it's all going to vanish. And that just makes me sad. I was in a law college, and I saw real books. REAL BOOKS! It made me miss the days where we actually wrote letters instead of emails, talked in person more than on the phone, and didn't have Twitter(which is my newest addiction...). And it's going to be replaced with easily edited digital documents. :( Yeah. Sad but true. Even this blog, it could be edited, and it could be faked. It doesn't seem as real as a diary somehow.

Social Norms

So, I'm hopeless. Just a simple conclusion really. I don't know how to act around humanity. This morning we had two students from past years come visit, and I had no clue what the fuck to do. So I just sat in a corner, silent as could be. I have no idea what they thought, but I'm sure it was strange to them. I just don't know. Why is it so hard for me to be social? I don't get it! I think it could be genetic. Which really does suck. I wish I could've said hi at the very least. But no, my voice failed me. Yeah...this is one of those things that will haunt me for days to come.

Dummy

So my boyfriend is a dumbass. He felt really guilty today and he eventually told me why. He was in the store with one of his friends, and then a girl from middle school came in. He tried to avoid it, but due to social conventions and peer pressure, when the girl asked him to walk her home, he agreed. And he thought I'd be mad. Dummy. I'm not that petty. I love him too much to get jealous over something that small, or even jealous at all. Jealousy isn't a healthy thing. It makes me break out! lol Just kidding. :) But I'm glad he told me. He didn't need to feel guilty about it. 

And I know I've been cussing more in my blog posts, but sometimes it's really how I feel. So I apologize if I offend.

...Championships...EEEEEKKK!

Yeah, it's championships. And I am so freaking nervous. My hands are trembling. Seriously, I just checked. So much rides on this tournament. Like going to DC, where nationals and my boyfriend are, and so much more. I don't even know why I'm nervous, it's just another tournament. Still, I can't help the angry butterflies that are rocketing around my stomach, and the giant slug climbing up my throat. Gross analogies, but that's really how I feel. But I have to go now, and so I've just got to breathe. Deep breaths... in...out...in...out. I hope I'm ready.

Back to Normal...Somewhat.

I've come to the conclusion that the only time I will ever get peace is when I'm in college. In between my sister, the rest of my family, school, friends, and the world, there is no room for quiet. AT ALL! And it's quite literally driving me insane. Music helps, but it's still sound. I just need a time where I can sit in the silence, and enjoy it. 

I also want to learn to dance. I've always loved it, and I want to do it and not feel self conscious about it. The same is to be said for singing too. I've always loved it, but I'm always afraid. So that's part of my goal.

City championships freaking start tomorrow! I am so nervous, it's like there's a chihuahua in the back of my head, looking around and saying,

"Oh god, oh god, oh god."

I love chihuahuas, but they're twitchy... and hyper.

I hope we win, but at the same time, I'm so panicky that I'm not sure if we will. I'm still going to try though. We have to win so that I can go see my boyfriend <3. But seriously. We must has win. lol

A Sigh of Relief

It turns out that I was worried for nothing. He just wanted to get me back on facebook. I think it's cute! Strange, but also cute. He also gave me the address to a dueling website, which I am delighted with! I missed dueling so much, and to be able to duel again just makes me so happy. I'm just glad that everything's okay. :)

Worry, Excitement, and Confusion

Worry: That refers to my boyfriend. Something's wrong, and he won't tell me what it is. And today he said that it could hurt me. WTH! I just don't know what to do about that. I don't want to push it because I'm scared of what will happen if I find out, or if I push too hard and something else happens. I just don't know.

Excitement: The City Championships are in 10 days! I am so excited! Emma and I are going to beef up our case, and we will beat this to the ground! I hope we get mostly aff. That way we're almost guaranteed to win. 

Confusion: I just don't know what the hell is going on with Sabrina. And Chris is just confusing no matter what. So I guess I could say that I'm lost. Yes, that's pretty accurate. I don't know what to do next.

CFN

Today I went to my first gig ever! It was tons of fun! Some kids from my school and others that I knew formed a band a little while ago. So I went to their show. Or tried to anyway. I wasn't able to stay late enough to actually see them perform. I hung out with them though, for quite literally the first time ever. And it was nice. It was like we were close friends. I barely talked to them at school and then they openly accepted me. I hope that transfers to school! Speaking of transfers, Nico, one of our school's students, switched schools a couple years ago. The week before he left, we were in the gym and he was teaching me to play soccer. He said, "Don't be afraid of the ball LeEllen". He was helping me to be social and normal. Tonight, he did the same thing. He was with his bandmates(and some of them I knew) but it was like a clique and I felt sooo awkward. So Nico took it upon himself to teach me circle etiquette. Apparently, if you know some of the people and there's a space, you invite yourself to it. And if there isn't one, apparently you make one. As strange as it was, and as awkward as it was, and as wallflower-y as I felt, it was fun. And I have the club marks to prove it. Two X's, oh yeah. I wear them with joyous pride. Sort of. I just know Braunwyn's going to interrogate me tomorrow. I also learned a lot about humanity today. Not exactly in the good way. Some was hilarious, some was more of... a "how dumb are you" type of thing. But they were adorable morons. That doesn't make it okay, but that makes it bearable. I'm definitely going to as many as I can. 

Also, boys actually do call dibs. That's just strange...

!@%###&$$#$%&*

So... A guy I dated came back the other day. And as much as I wanted to kick his ass then, I didn't. See, I was being mature. Tonight however(right as I was getting out of my shower... horrid timing), he called me. The !#@$%!% called me. In case it wasn't apparent, I wasn't happy. NOT AT ALL! But I was polite. Meaning I talked to him, while letting it slip that I was taken. I also ended the call as soon as I could. So yeah. That was bull.

My subconscious is really evil, and I think I should give it a name. Not only did it give me the first guy dream, but it gave me a second one last night(about the same guy, who isn't my boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!)... I mean, come on. That's not cool Demona! Yes, my subconscious is now named Demona(which is also subject to change). Argh! What do I do? I can't tell anyone! They'll tell me that I should dump my boyfriend and go after the other guy, who I don't even think likes me in that way. Plus, I'm seemingly toxic to the male population. I don't know why. So yeah. Demona is demonic.

Today in debate, we debated controversial topics with just logic. It was so much fun, especially the last one. The resolution was that the US federal government should legalize prostitution through out the US. And my god, I couldn't stop laughing. It was hilarious that 

A. Dylan was arguing the aff, and he's sort of, umm, a douche. And extraordinarily suggestive. So when he vehemently argued for the case, I just couldn't stop giggling. 

B. The negative team was hypocritical and they ran disadvantages on cheating and objectification.

All in all, I'm so glad that I went, because today was amazingly hilarious and fun. 

And for some strange reason(according to Chris, Jason, and Sabrina), if I were a furry (?o?) then I'd be a fox. Weird... and why a fox? I really want to know who came up with that.