Jobs and Heart Attacks

So today my family and I went downtown, just shopping for gifts and the like. So after we bought a shirt for a friend, a graduation present for one of my dad's graduating climbers, and calenders for my host families in Mongolia, we went and ate lunch. And no lunch is complete without dessert, so we went to Dairy Queen. And at DQ, my boss was working and so me, her, and my stepmom all got to chat. Apparently my boss has been overwhelmed, due to a severe lack of employees. So my stepmom said she'd recommend students from town, and after I get back, I'm going to work some hours into my schedule. So I will have two jobs! I'll work at my original job from 10 to 5, and then after that, I'll work at DQ till 11. I hope so anyway. She was just such an amazing boss and I loved working there, and so I want to do it again. 

The scariest thing that happened today happened when we were in DQ. A child quite literally bolted out of the shop and ran into the street. The mother was chasing after her, and so was half the establishment. One of the employees already had a phone out to call 911. Thankfully the mother pulled the girl to safety. I swear just watching that incident took ten years off my life though. I was so relieved that nothing horrible happened. Thank entity really. 

So yeah, that was the basis of today.

Besides the fact that we cleaned out the yurt/ger and there were tons of spiders! Both me and my stepmom freaked out. :D

A Day of Climbing

Today was a busy busy day. Even though I got the day off from work, I was moving from the moment I woke up. We went to the store in the morning, which was chaos. And I learned what shallots are. They are essentially fancy onions. So that was nice. Then I went climbing with Dad and his climbing team. That's when I noticed that I was guy ruined for now. Because there was a perfectly nice boy there, shirtless even, and he didn't compare to Chris. He was nice, but not Chris. Yeah...:) I think I love him. Chris I mean, not the boy. 

But besides that, I had fun. I took lots of pictures, of flowers and climbers. As many as I could before my battery died. And through out the entire day, I managed not to get on the rocks once. I kept my feet firmly planted on the semi solid soil. And the reason that I say semi solid is because it was packed with loose dirt and gravel. So that was good. I avoided imminent death! Wooo! 

I never stopped moving and I didn't mind at all.

It was a good day.

Past and Present…Future?

So, today was my last day of school in the year 2012. My junior year is over and next year I’ll be a senior. And honestly, I’m terrified. I’ve been at this school since 6^th grade and it’s like a second home. Just today I was looking around and I knew the quirks of the building. The bathroom across from the computer lab is the only sink with warm water, and unless you hold the pressure just right it sprays you. The vents are bi-polar, spraying warm and cold air when they feel like it. The locker I use that hates me, it takes two tries to open at the very least. The gyms are always chilly, and the library is always warm. I know which three stalls have broken locks, and I’ve memorized the graffiti on the walls. It’s my school. And the thought of next year being my last, I just wonder what it will be like in a new school. My class is the first class to go through this school for all six years. We are the originals from this school. And a lot comes with this. We’re the guinea pig class. Almost every curriculum is tested on us. For those of us that are originals, we know the history of the school, and as we hit senior year, we carry that history with us. We hold a strong responsibility and we show who we are as well as what we are, as individuals, as a school, and as a community. It’s a mind blowing and powerful thought.

This year has been for me personally, a year of change. I’ve broadened my horizons. Over the summer I went to China, and this summer I’m going to Mongolia. I’ve had two boyfriends, one that I broke up with and one that I’m currently with. I branched out at school. I joined debate, which gave me confidence and showed me how to use my voice. I joined Glee which gave me the confidence to use that voice. I made friends, lost friends, and kept friends. I was the crying shoulder, and I cried on shoulders. I ditched my hoodies and let myself be me. I lost people, family and friends. I learned the hard way how to manage my time. I explored my world, and I’ve had so much fun doing that. This year was my year of firsts and I am proud to call it that. That was my present and it will soon be my past. I’ve got visions of my future, but I have no clue if they’ll end up true. And just looking at all these things, I know that there is a lot we have to do.

Today was my last day of school. And I had so much fun. I got to hang outside, listen to music with everyone.  I geeked out over boy bands, went off campus and splurged on sodas and candy, laughed and threw my concerns to the wind. And no matter how much I lose in the future, I’ll always have this memory. We had a potluck in AP World History. My macaroons barely got eaten, but that’s all right with me. Our teacher spoke about what he remembered from this and before, because he was here in 7^th grade year. And I honestly wanted to cry. The changes we have experienced are too many to count, I don’t think I should try.

Over the summer I have a plan. I’ll be as busy as a bee. I’ll be going to Mongolia and back, and staying up in Estes. I’m going to have a job, and I’ll be looking after family. My boyfriend is going to Japan, and will be staying for college. I’m going to try to carry this relationship through because he’s too important for me to lose. And most of all, I will be me. I won’t hide anymore, and to hell with anyone who doesn’t like it.

What will happen next year? I have no idea. But as much as it scares me, I think, I hope, I wish, I know…I’m ready.

There’s too many songs to describe my year, but I will name a few, because music is a part of me too.

1.       Set Fire to the Rain-Adele

2.       O.K.-B1A4

3.       Lithium-Nirvana

4.       Every Time We Touch-Cascada

5.       Perfect Two-Auburn

6.       The Call-Regina Spektor

7.       What Makes You Beautiful-One Direction

8.       One Thing-One Direction

9.       Tell Me A Lie-One Direction

10.   More Than This-One Direction

11.   I Wish-One Direction

12.   What Doesn’t Kill You(Stronger)-Kelly Clarkson

13.   Don’t Let Me Stop You-Kelly Clarkson

14.   Long Shot-Kelly Clarkson

15.   Somebody That I Used To Know-Gotye feat. Kimbra

16.   The Ballad of Mona Lisa-Panic! At The Disco

17.   Break Even-The Script

18.   Safe and Sound-Taylor Swift

19.   Viva la Vida-Coldplay

20.   I Won’t Dance-Fred Astaire

21.   Footloose-Blake Shelton

22.   Take Me Home, Country Roads-John Denver

23.   You Found Me-The Fray

24.   You Found Me-Kelly Clarkson

25.   Gotta Be Somebody-Nickelback

26.   Beautiful Soul-Jesse McCartney

27.   Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects

28.   And finally…

29.   I’m Ready-Kelly Clarkson

To be honest, the list could go on forever. But I’ll leave it here. And if it isn’t already noticeable, I’m a DIRECTIONER!!!

Returns and Lunches

Okay, so one of the boys from years ago whom I've mentioned, he showed up today during chinese class. And so instead of doing a project that we were supposed to be done with by Thursday, we just hung out. And it was strange because I'm usually an alien in those groups. Today though, it didn't matter. It was just nice. 

Also, I got to geek out with another guy from chinese over True Blood! I have met another fan! YAY! And we both agree that Alcide is hot. Which is odd, but okay. Still fun!

And then today at lunch, my friend and I went to Burger King and I saw Olivia there! Oh my god, I'm going to miss her so much! She's freaking graduating tomorrow! EEK! So I got to say hi, which was just stunning. But the fun part came when we left. 

We left BK in a rush because the same two boys pulled up in a car and my friend got us a ride back to school because she didn't want to walk. And oh jesus, it was scary. Hilarious and fun, but scary. The fun part came from us just having fun and listening to the radio. We busted out the lyrics to Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know" and just had a laugh. :)

The scary part...Was the driving. And I am not kidding here. I am never getting in a car with Ace again! Not when he's behind the wheel. I was nervous in the parking lot when the car started and stopped suddenly, but then we pulled into the street. AND DEAR GOD I THOUGHT WE WERE DEAD! He tried to pull in front of a gigantic car and when that failed, he STOPPED in the road and waited for it to pass, then crossed TWO lanes of traffic to turn onto the side street that led to our school, which he took at speeds that made me veerrrryy nervous. 

But despite my (justified) fear, I didn't die, and I had some of the best fun within those ten minutes we were in the car with them. 

And now I'm starting to wonder a tad about my boyfriend. I get on gmail, and I'm never sure if he's on. Because it says he is. And when he for sure is, he doesn't respond to my messages or start messaging me. And I don't know if he's just busy, or if he just doesn't want to talk to me. And I do realize that he's graduating tomorrow, but I even saw Olivia today. So I don't know what to think. I know that I worry, and that I already miss him even though we're in the same city. I don't know how I'll survive when he's in Japan...

But then again, I do worry too much. So I'll just take a deep breath...And try to survive these next three days of school.

On a side note, I have my passages presentation tomorrow! I've been working on this all semester and it still isn't done! Oi...I'll just need to finish it up tomorrow morning. It should be easy enough, right? 

Just so you know, for all you children and adults reading this, PROCRASTINATION IS THE DEVIL! Don't fall prey to it's sin of slack!

Senior Prank 2

So I came into school today, to find out that the seniors had taken it upon themselves to do a second prank. They covered the entire junior hallway in sticky notes and 2012 posters. Now this was a hilarious prank, but it also set up something. It established the fact that we, the class of 2013, need to top that tenfold! My friend suggested doing 13 pranks over the 13 days before we graduate, and I think it's brilliant!!!!!!! So, I'm going to start a list for next year's pranks. >:) Our class is full of devils.

Stupid Chile Peppers...

So, I thought that the cooking final for my AP World History class was due tomorrow...And so I did a rush job in trying to make a salsa macha...Suffice it to say, it didn't turn out the way it was planned. I ended up burning the chiles de arbol to heck, and in the process, releasing a burning smoke that stings the eyes and the back of the throat. My mom and sister aren't exactly happy with me right now. But I can only hope that it will be gone by the morning.

I even tried to cover up the scent with a vanilla one. Which also equaled fail. It just isn't my night tonight I guess.

Cry, Cry, Cry

Today...Was Senior check out day. And I cried a bit. Not only are my senior friends leaving, but so is my boyfriend!!! Well, I'll see him again outside of school, but I'll miss him so much while I'm in it! T.T Why did they have to check out a week early, why?!?!?!?!?!?!? And then in the all school meeting, they played the senior 2012 class video, and they had baby pictures! That was when I cried by the way. I'm really going to miss them. 

But in the meeting, something happened. It was the senior prank! I thought it was hilarious, but it pissed a lot of people off. See, in our school meetings we have this tradition. Teachers get dismissed first, then seniors, then students. And when the seniors are dismissed for the last time they're dismissed before the teachers, and then the juniors transfer into the senior section of the auditorium. And it's something that people have been waiting for, for years really. For some it's five, but for originals like me(the first people to go through this school all the way from 6th to 12th), it's six. And so then the seniors did their prank. They silly stringed the seats. And while I thought it was hilarious, if a little disrespectful, it pissed people off to the maximum. They were bitching about it all day literally. It was just a harmless prank. And it's normal for the juniors to be targeted. But I can see how people got mad. I just try not to be petty is all. Besides, they're graduating. 

WAHHH!!!! I don't want them to go!!!!! T.T :( But it is too late. Sighs. 

My boyfriend Chris is going to college in Tokyo. I'm really going to miss him. :'( And it's likely that we'll break up too, because he doesn't want either of us to be held back. But just the same, I'm going to make it work for as long as I can. And I'm going to make the most out of the time we have together while he's here. 

And somehow, I think I'll see him again after he does leave. It may be five, ten years in the future maybe, but I will see him again. He said "Why wouldn't I see you again?" Which made me really happy. And he'll always have a place in my heart. Even if we don't last. Which I do hope for.

Well...Oops...

Well now I feel ridiculous for worrying. Because I got to spend time with him at lunch today and it was fantastic. I guess I'm just missing him. Lunch was amazing because not only were we together, but we also talked cars! And Korean dramas and music! It was just nice. So next time that I start to wonder and worry, I just have to remember that he's busy. And I have to remember that just because we barely see each other, it doesn't mean that the feelings have changed.  :)

Losing You - Lyrics

I know I'm gonna lose you

And I can't bear that thought

The pain this is giving me

Sinks in with every word

I said I'd take a chance

I spent all mine on you

But now I have to watch you leave

Just like we both knew

Love is a diamond

Faceted and cold

Love is cold

Cold as ice or snow

Love is a dream

That I can only imagine

Like I imagine being with you

If I lose you tomorrow

If you walk away

The only regret I'll have

Is not being able to say these words

Say that the pain

It's so very real

But never for a moment

Will I forget

All that we shared

All that we knew

No matter how it changes

For a short time I was with you

The firey feelings with in me

These words help them take flight

And with every word I sing

I'm showing you my love

My love for you will always be there

Hiding in the back of my mind

But for every time that I remember you

I will always smile

Love is a diamond

Faceted and cold

Love is cold

Cold as ice or snow

Love is a dream

That I can only imagine

Like I imagine being with you

No matter how cold I feel

How the pain in my chest is real

For that short time in that year

We both let ourselves feel

We opened our hearts

Shattered both of our shields

We fell for each other

But time ran out, the sand became still

So for now

We'll say goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

For now I'll say goodbye

As Of Now

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just feeling drained and distant. I can pretend that I'm there but I'm not really. Part of that is me being brain dead from taking two AP tests. The other part is the growing nervous feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. I'm worried about losing Chris to be honest. He's checking out this week because he's a senior. So I won't see him at school anymore. I know I'll see him outside of school, but nevertheless I'll miss him. :( I truly fear the day when we'll be over. There's a couple songs that I've found that describes what I feel like, almost to the letter.  

The Call by Regina Spektor              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY0QcSQf_mc

Perfect Two by Auburn                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEsPloHpKJU

Every Time We Touch by Cascada    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zuviud2HHQ

Well, I guess that's three songs...But still.

But besides that things are going well I guess. School is decent, I've only got a few things to fix. I have one more AP test but people swear that it's easy. School ends in two-ish weeks and then I go to Estes, and later on to Mongolia. I'm unbearably excited for Mongolia! I can't wait to see my friends again. 

That's life right now.

Merlin and Biology

So I found an amazing new show! Well, I'd heard about it before, but I'd never watched it. And now that I have, I'M ADDICTED! It's fantastic and all about magic and myth! I adore it! I'll be sad when it's over. 

And biology. I have the AP test for it tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I just know that I'm not ready. I know that I'll do poorly. I know that I can't do a single damned thing about it. I guess I'm just praying that I don't completely fail. God, I'm nervous. Painfully, dreadfully so. 

But I've just got to take a breath, take a moment, and just relax. Eventually it will all be over.

Changing, Growing, Finding - Poem (unrelated to today)

What you were

You were poison

You leeched into my soul

Tearing me apart

Tainting my eyes

Making me believe your lies

You were pain

With your words like blades

Slicing me in two

And you knew, didn't you

You were sly

Your sinuous words deceived everyone that didn't know

Like a snake you slipped away

And returned to torture another day

What did I do

You were a coward

Hiding your own insecurities

While beating on mine

Did it make you feel better

Causing pain to match your own

What you are is my past

What I was

I was young

Unaccustomed to the world

I was like a blank journal

There wasn't much that I knew

I was soft

My inexperience led me to be like cotton candy

I wasn't strong so I was torn apart

By the girl with no heart

What I was

I was lost and scared

But I pulled myself up

And hid my face

In my facade

I hid from you

Long sleeves and foundation

That was you

What I am

I'm strong

Because of you

I learned not to let many people through

It's hard to trust because of you

So I stayed silent

Until now

What I am

I am loud

I am strong enough now

I'll say what I think

I'll say what I feel

The illusion of control

I thought you had over me

It's vanishing

Being washed away by the sea

The sea of voice has inspired me

To ditch the silence and start to speak

Who I am

I am me

If that's not enough for you

Well it's enough for me

Now that I found my voice

I will use it

But unlike you

I will not abuse it

After A Time

Today I finally got to spend some decent time with my boyfriend, and I was so happy. Despite the fact that he got my feet wet. We went down to the river by the school today, and it was freezing. But never the less, I had amazing fun. I hadn't realized how much I missed him just over the week, and I even saw him sometimes for one minute stretches. But being able to be near him and talk to him. I don't know how I'll last when he's in Japan, or even when I'm in Estes. But then again we may not last that long, so...Well, we'll see. Some part of me hopes that we do last.

Today is the day of the debate banquet, and I'm really excited. I get to dress up and I'm going to curl my hair and wear. Honestly, this will just be amazing. I never get to do things like this so I'm really happy. :D

............AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................

STUPID FREAKING AUDIO SOFTWARE! WHY U NO WORK?????? 

Yeah, I've been trying to create a mashup of two songs, I Got Rhythm by Lena Horne and feat. Q-Tip with I Won't Dance sung by Fred Astaire. And it FAILS! I can't snip the right parts or extend them. So I'm doing the logical thing. I'm going old school y'all. I'm downloading the original Windows Movie Maker because, to be honest, Windows Live Movie Maker sucks. So yeah. Back to the past, when things actually worked, lol. I just hope that this does work. Because if it doesn't, I think I might go on a rampage of fury and frustration.

One of THOSE Days

So I walked into school this morning, and the first thing I thought was,

"I don't want to be here."

It's close to the end of the school year, and my energy level is wwaaaayyyy down and I have too much to get done. Too much includes, homework, schoolwork, normal finals, and FREAKING AP TESTS. 

It's stressing me out worrying about this and no matter how much I try to not let it, it still does. I was sitting in Passages class fifteen minutes ago, and as the teacher was explaining what we had to do, and what our deadlines were, I just started laughing quietly...And crazily. My friend even mentioned that I looked kind of crazy. And I didn't deny it. All this work and stress, it's messing with my mind, and with my normal brain functions. Not to mention which I have club stress on top of this. Glee still has routines to perfect and songs to memorize. Mongolian club has a presentation to complete. There's a debate banquet on Friday that I have to let mom know about.

And this week will go to shit after 1pm today. Yeah...I have this planned out to a T. And it scares me.