Past and Present…Future?

So, today was my last day of school in the year 2012. My junior year is over and next year I’ll be a senior. And honestly, I’m terrified. I’ve been at this school since 6^th grade and it’s like a second home. Just today I was looking around and I knew the quirks of the building. The bathroom across from the computer lab is the only sink with warm water, and unless you hold the pressure just right it sprays you. The vents are bi-polar, spraying warm and cold air when they feel like it. The locker I use that hates me, it takes two tries to open at the very least. The gyms are always chilly, and the library is always warm. I know which three stalls have broken locks, and I’ve memorized the graffiti on the walls. It’s my school. And the thought of next year being my last, I just wonder what it will be like in a new school. My class is the first class to go through this school for all six years. We are the originals from this school. And a lot comes with this. We’re the guinea pig class. Almost every curriculum is tested on us. For those of us that are originals, we know the history of the school, and as we hit senior year, we carry that history with us. We hold a strong responsibility and we show who we are as well as what we are, as individuals, as a school, and as a community. It’s a mind blowing and powerful thought.

This year has been for me personally, a year of change. I’ve broadened my horizons. Over the summer I went to China, and this summer I’m going to Mongolia. I’ve had two boyfriends, one that I broke up with and one that I’m currently with. I branched out at school. I joined debate, which gave me confidence and showed me how to use my voice. I joined Glee which gave me the confidence to use that voice. I made friends, lost friends, and kept friends. I was the crying shoulder, and I cried on shoulders. I ditched my hoodies and let myself be me. I lost people, family and friends. I learned the hard way how to manage my time. I explored my world, and I’ve had so much fun doing that. This year was my year of firsts and I am proud to call it that. That was my present and it will soon be my past. I’ve got visions of my future, but I have no clue if they’ll end up true. And just looking at all these things, I know that there is a lot we have to do.

Today was my last day of school. And I had so much fun. I got to hang outside, listen to music with everyone.  I geeked out over boy bands, went off campus and splurged on sodas and candy, laughed and threw my concerns to the wind. And no matter how much I lose in the future, I’ll always have this memory. We had a potluck in AP World History. My macaroons barely got eaten, but that’s all right with me. Our teacher spoke about what he remembered from this and before, because he was here in 7^th grade year. And I honestly wanted to cry. The changes we have experienced are too many to count, I don’t think I should try.

Over the summer I have a plan. I’ll be as busy as a bee. I’ll be going to Mongolia and back, and staying up in Estes. I’m going to have a job, and I’ll be looking after family. My boyfriend is going to Japan, and will be staying for college. I’m going to try to carry this relationship through because he’s too important for me to lose. And most of all, I will be me. I won’t hide anymore, and to hell with anyone who doesn’t like it.

What will happen next year? I have no idea. But as much as it scares me, I think, I hope, I wish, I know…I’m ready.

There’s too many songs to describe my year, but I will name a few, because music is a part of me too.

1.       Set Fire to the Rain-Adele

2.       O.K.-B1A4

3.       Lithium-Nirvana

4.       Every Time We Touch-Cascada

5.       Perfect Two-Auburn

6.       The Call-Regina Spektor

7.       What Makes You Beautiful-One Direction

8.       One Thing-One Direction

9.       Tell Me A Lie-One Direction

10.   More Than This-One Direction

11.   I Wish-One Direction

12.   What Doesn’t Kill You(Stronger)-Kelly Clarkson

13.   Don’t Let Me Stop You-Kelly Clarkson

14.   Long Shot-Kelly Clarkson

15.   Somebody That I Used To Know-Gotye feat. Kimbra

16.   The Ballad of Mona Lisa-Panic! At The Disco

17.   Break Even-The Script

18.   Safe and Sound-Taylor Swift

19.   Viva la Vida-Coldplay

20.   I Won’t Dance-Fred Astaire

21.   Footloose-Blake Shelton

22.   Take Me Home, Country Roads-John Denver

23.   You Found Me-The Fray

24.   You Found Me-Kelly Clarkson

25.   Gotta Be Somebody-Nickelback

26.   Beautiful Soul-Jesse McCartney

27.   Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects

28.   And finally…

29.   I’m Ready-Kelly Clarkson

To be honest, the list could go on forever. But I’ll leave it here. And if it isn’t already noticeable, I’m a DIRECTIONER!!!